When I found out I was pregnant with you, I nearly fell out of my chair. I thought of all the reasons why this couldn’t be. You certainly weren’t planned and honestly, I was not sure how we would pull it off. It took me hours to figure out how I would tell your father, and I was terrified. We already had two babies running around the house, and why, how could we possibly take care of another?
I should have known that God had other plans for us.
As time went on and we adjusted to the fact that we would once again be bringing a tiny baby into our chaotic world, I began to fantasize about you. What would you look like? Would you be a boy or a girl? But mostly, good Lord, how were we going to do it?!
My pregnancy was pretty uneventful and quite honestly it went by way too fast! I was so busy trying to care for your brother and sister, I hardly had time to focus on actually being pregnant (If I could go back, I would..trust me I would. I would relish every last kick from your little feet against my big belly). By the end of 9 months, I was more than ready for you to make your appearance! “Come out! You need to come out now!”
The day I met you for the first time, I was madly and crazy in love with you. You had deep dark eyes and a round little face. You looked up at me and all I could think of was, your mine and I love you. You nursed from me almost instantly and little did I know that that would be the first day of a 2 year long relationship, that I would miss once it was gone. That was our time, our quiet time where I could sit and stare into your thirsty little eyes and know that at that moment, I was meeting all your needs. At those moments, there was nobody else in the room except for me and you..you and your deep dark soulful eyes. Nobody else could claim that sort of connection to you, but me..your mother.
As time went on and you grew, your father and I fell more and more in love with you. You were such a handful, but anything that you did was quickly replaced by doting and kissing. I could hardly go back and remember how scared we were when we found out you were coming. How could you not have come into our lives? The thought of that seems so foreign to us now. You belong here, you always have..you were meant to be here with us.
You have a personality that is like no other. Your a Minnie me version of your daddy. All I have to do is close my eyes and listen to you and your off the cuff comments and know, that of course your your father’s child! I can look at you from across the table and see all of his features in your face..your father could never deny you! Nor would he want to, but the resemblance is so strong. He loves you..your his sunshine on a cloudy day and your his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Your such a little man, where has the time gone? I hope the day never comes when you don’t lay in bed with me at night and tell me how much you love me. I’ll miss the times that you look into my eyes and say “Mommy, I love you so much”. When your sad or upset, you always seek me out, because you know that I will soothe your pain and take away your hurt. I will brush your soft cheek with my hand and tell you that it will be okay. I will hold you until that last tear falls and I will sit with you until you feel safe. You will always be my baby, always.
If there ever comes a day when you will have to take care of me..I will still look up at you and think..”Yes, he is my baby indeed”.