My only daughter
Me with a daughter?! Who would have thought? I didn’t have the first clue about raising a little girl, after all, my relationship with my mother was..well..let’s not go there right now.
Oh boy, was I ever deathly sick with you when I was pregnant. Sick is an understatement! I was bed ridden for the first 5 months of my pregnancy and I hardly thought I would ever get better. I had a very intimate relationship with the hospital and the toilet for those first few months. People used to tell me that women tend to get sicker with girls than with boys, and all I could think of was, “Is this a peek into my future?”. A girl. How does one successfully raise a girl in this day and age?
Little girls can be difficult at best on some days. Little girls will test your mental fortitude and make you question yourself in every way possible on other days. Little girls are subject to mood changes at any given time of the day or night, little girls will often leave you feeling like a deer caught in headlights, but mostly little girls will always let you know where you stand in their lives at any given moment. If they are talking to you, relish it, drink it up and hold onto that moment in time, because at the drop of a pin, that could all change from one moment to the next. Some mornings when you wake up, it takes me a minute to figure out if I should say good-morning or anything at all.
My little girl is gorgeous. Deep dark eyes and deep dark long flowing hair. Porcelain skin and strong facial features with a deep set dimple right in the center of her chin. I look at her and I see myself, I see myself in her mannerisms and unfortunately I see me in her many mood swings! She definitely is her mother’s child. My poor husband.
She loves to touch me, I often find her stroking my arm, or just running her hands down my legs if she is sitting next to me and I catch her staring at me a lot, I can’t help but wonder what is going through her head. She loves me, that is clear. She hates to see me upset and it terrifies her to see me crying or feeling sad. She cries when I cry. She is my clone. She is sensitive and moody and silly. She loves like something fierce and is very protective of those that she does love. She is sensitive and fragile, yet she is tough when she needs to be. She will tell you that she is angry with you, but what she really wants is for you to hold her and stroke her hair and tell her how much you love her.
I want to protect her and I want to be everything to her that my mother never was to me. I want her to always feel my love for her, I want her to grow up confident and strong, yet kind and empathetic. I want her to always feel secure in who she is and I want her to know that beauty is only skin deep. I want her to know that true beauty comes from deep inside and that she must always love herself for who she is on the inside and not on the outside. I want her to know that she is unique and wonderful and lovely. I want her to know that her laugh is contagious and her smile lights up whatever room she is in. That she is funny and witty and charming. That anyone who is a part of her life is very fortunate and lucky.
I don’t want her to waste her time on anyone that does not respect her and love her for who she is. I want her to always stand tall and never back down to what her convictions and beliefs are in her life. I want her to be a leader and not a follower. To always stand up for the little man when no one else will.
But most of all, I want her to never forget where she came from. We will always be her cheerleaders and we will always be here when she needs us. I want her to know how much I love her..I love her to the point that it makes my heart ache. When I close my eyes I will always smell the sweetness of her skin and see her smile in my mind. She will always be her mother and father’s baby girl.