You know, sometimes I am not sure what makes me a runner. I have to be honest, some days I really do not enjoy it all that much, I know, I know some of you die hards out there are probably trying to convince yourselves that you absolutely enjoy running and every single day you just wake up to run! I used to be like that honestly, then something happened and I somehow fell off that wagon of thought. I don’t know if I began to put too much pressure on myself, or if I began to feel like I would never be a good enough runner. I am not satisfied right now with just being a *runner*, I want to be a person who runs because they want to reach their full potential as a runner. Some days, I am not sure I have what it takes, or that I have that animal drive that is required for running well in a race. I’m a whimp out, a quitter of sorts if you will, I give up too easily because honestly, I’m afraid of pushing my body’s envelope. The first hint of pain I feel, I may run with it for a little while, but I eventually back down from it, because I just don’t like the way it feels. I want it, of course I do, I want it super bad, but obviously not bad enough when it’s show time. I have raced with people in races that I know had no business passing me in a race, and I have watched those same people come into the shute before me as well, and I know in my heart of hearts they should have come in behind me (don’t worry, if your reading this it is not YOU). I lack the discipline that it takes to tow the line, to run through the pain, I have lacked the ability to convince myself that the pain is only temporary and that I will survive it. It makes me madder than hades, and yet, I have yet learned to work past it. I have gotten to the point where my training has suffered because I have been having my own private pity party.
I have a goal race coming up in October, I plan on running the Marine Corp. (barring any injuries of course). My hope is to run that race hard and to come in at a set goal time that I have in my head. My hope is to train like I mean it, to eat properly and to keep hydrated, I know that sounds quite simple, but it takes work and dedication. Not to say that I have not been a dedicated runner, however, it is now time to step it up a notch or two or three.