What Are Friends For?…
I tend to do some of my best writing when I’m listening to music..why is that? Music moves me in so many different ways, it lifts me up when I feel sad, or pumps me way up when I’m feeling good. Anyway, I have decided to listen to some music while I write today.
Having been through what I have in my life, I have learned many, many valuable lessons along the way. Yes, I realize someone will have always had it harder or more difficult than I have and unfortunately I used to have someone in my life who liked to remind me of that. However, it would not be in the “Cheer up Denise, there is worse out there and you WILL be okay” it was always more like “There are people out there who have it/have had it worse than you , including me, so get over it” type of thing. It has taken me a very long time to realize this was the actual take on it, vs. what I tried to get my mind to convince me of. I wanted to believe that these people had my best interest at heart, I mean MY best interest at heart, no, like, really cared about MY BEST interest, other than their best interest on the cuff of their sleeve type of thing. I know you know what I mean to say, but sometimes typing it does not always come out fluent and pretty.
Can we talk about friendship for a minute? Okay..good. Listen up. Friendship is not something you do because you feel like you have to, friendship is not something you do because you want to see the many ways you are better than someone, it is not something that you take advantage of, or not something you try to mold into something you think or want it to be. Friendship is about accepting someone for who they are (within reason of course) and certainly it is NOT someplace to dump all your insecurities on. Friendship is about loving someone for everything they have to offer you in your life spiritually & emotionally and vice versa. Some friends just click from the word hello and some take a little time to blossom, but friendship should never be something you feel you have to work at from the moment the friendship started.
I cannot be your emotional babysitter, nor do I want to. I want to be here for you when you need me, I want to pump you up when your feeling bad and I want to laugh with you just for the sake of laughing. I will tell you everything will be okay, if I really feel that it will be, but I will also tell you it won’t be if that is the truth; but if it won’t be okay, I promise to sit here quietly by your side and help you through it. I want you to know me for ME and I want you to understand what I’m trying to say without saying it. Very few people have made that list, let’s be honest. NO, it has nothing to do with “My mother issues” as one person so unkindly put it but it has everything to do with the fact that maybe I never really trusted you and your motives..or wait, maybe it’s because I care enough about ME to realize that I’m worthy and deserving of much more than mediocre friendship. A friend would never intentionally say something to hurt the other person in some backhanded sort of way. Don’t get me wrong I DO have friends that I would trust my life with as well as my kids life with.. and those are the ones that have taken the time to get to know me and vice versa, those are the ones that just clicked..no work needed to keep it afloat.
Then there are the friendships that started out well, but ended badly. Words were spoken that just were not nice and when words like that get spoken there really is never a way to turn back. It is not about “Just getting over it” or “Just move on already”..those words just linger in the air with no real home to settle into. You want to put them to rest or away, but you cannot. So they sit and they just fester until the next argument comes around and the words become bolder and more prominent. Those are the friendships that should have been broken a long time ago. There are also friendships that are doomed from the start when two people both have super strong personalities, those never really work out..do they? I mean someone has to always be right and two people can never be right in the same conversation can they? I mean then it really just becomes a shouting contest or a chest pumping contest about who is BIGGER or BETTER or treats the other better OR who runs faster OR who bikes faster OR who is skinnier OR WHO DOES THE MOST WORK in the relationship..blah blah blah..honestly. Those are draining.
I have spent far too much of my life and time trying to make people happy. What I have learned is to stick by the ones who truly care, and you know what? Maybe those demanding and insecure friends really do care underneath it all..but I just don’t have the time or the fortitude to deal with it after years of trying to deal with it. I have realized that there are other friends out there who really do want my time because they enjoy being with me or talking to me or laughing with me. You know what? Yes, I can be difficult at times, and I rarely ever like to go out (it’s the rare occasion that I do, and if you’re the lucky one that actually got me out of the house, consider yourself lucky- SCORE!), I hate talking on the phone, but I text with the best of them and I can give advice like nobody’s business (and often am told I’m damn good at it). This is me and that is what I have to offer.
Somewhat difficult at times, stubborn as all get out, but loving, kind, sincere and true.
I have mother issues..but don’t we all on some level?