Daily Archives: January 18, 2013

346 Days.

Today was hard. It was somber and there is not one spot I can look or be in, where I don’t see a memory of you.

The hours on the clock turned from one to the next.

We are trying to teach our children that life continues on as painful and unfair as it all seems. They have taken this very hard.

I was not going to work out today, but I find that when I put my headphones on and turn inward, it makes it easier on some levels. I have become quite good at burrowing so far deep into myself. It’s my safe place. I usually have so much to say, yet I seem to be speaking loudly and no words are flowing from my mouth.

I realize it may seem so crazy to be so devastated over an animal to some, but I am. We all are. It’s just the way it is.

20 minutes on the treadmill to warm up. Threw some hills in.

Leg extensions: 3×15 @30lbs
Walking lunges: 3×20 @ 10 lbs
Leg curls on swill ball : 3×20

Lying leg curls: 3×15 @30lbs
Db squats: 2×15 @15lbs

Treadmill: 15 minutes at 1:02 miles. 1 minute at 10 incline at 6mph followed by 2 minutes at 3.0mph flat. Wash, rinse, repeat for 15 minutes.

I may have to move the chair in front of the treadmill. Hemi used to sit there and wait for me to be done. So patiently.

347 Days and Life Can Be Cruel.

January 17

Came home to a disaster today. My boy is sick. So very sick. So fast. So quick. My sweet puppy. I did not think how my day started was how it would end.

I did my workout right when I got home, to help release some of what I was feeling while Hemi was at the vet.

Preacher Curls: 4×12 @ 30lbs
Ez bar curls: 2×10 @ 21lbs
1×10 @ 21lbs
1×8 @ 21lbs
1×10 @ 21 lbs
Hammer curls: 4x 12@ ?? I don’t remember. Probably 12lbs
BB press 4×12@ 35lbs
DB flies 4×12@ 12lbs
Incline press 4×12 @12lbs
Close grip BB press 3×12@ 30lbs
Lying db tri extensions 3×12@8lbs
Db overhead tri extension 3×12 @12lbs

No cardio. I went to bed. I was abruptly woken up 2 hours later. Spent the next two hours at the vet. I’m not ready to write it all down. The pain is too deep and too painful. I can’t figure out what happened and why. It was so quick. We do know this. We know he waited for us to come and love on him and hold him and tell him how desperately we loved him.

I cried so hard my vision became blurred into what was and what was not in front of me. I could barely stand and yet I could barely lay close enough to him. I wanted to crawl into him and protect him and feel his heart on my face. He was in there, I know he heard us. In the end, he took the decision away from us. He lessened our burden. He let go. We left the room for 5 minutes and he began his journey home. We raced to him, I don’t remember leaving one room and entering the room you were in. I was just there, crawled into your crate with you. Telling you how sorry I was. I begged you to not leave me and yet I begged for you to go, so your pain can leave your existence. Find her.. Find Chelsea my sweet boy, she is waiting for you. I thought I was saying it in my head, but I quickly realized I was practically screaming at you. With my face pressed so hard into yours I could smell you and I felt your last breaths against my face. You left us.. And you took a piece of me with you.

HarsH ReaLiTy

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