Daily Archives: February 13, 2013

This Is Really Bothering Me.

I labeled this as both running and personal growth. Why? Well, because I feel my running is partly about my personal growth as well.

As y’all have heard, I’m at a bit of an impasse right now. I just seem frozen. No moving forward and no going back. Why am I making this so damned difficult. I think part of the reason why, is because over the last few years, I have tried so hard to make running not who I am, that it has indeed become that. Running was always a sure thing in my life. It gave me grounding and self discipline.

Running for me has always been all or nothing. I hate that. I hate seeing everyone else’s goals and having none of my own. Makes me self pity myself. Then I look back over the years and see I never really had consistency, never really stuck to a paper plan. Just ran mostly and threw races in there. I always wanted to get faster and I know I have it in me. That was my goal, then I had to go back to work. Everything went to hell from there.

I know, I know. People work and I need to get over it. I have been a stay at home mom and wife for the last 10 years. The transition has been awful. Part of me hates it and resents it, part of me is glad I did. It takes some of the load off my husband and it gives me time away from home to be me, on my own If that makes sense. I just don’t like the impact it has taken on me physically. It truly has taken a toll on me. I have no outlet now. I’m either sleeping or tired. It really is no way to live. It just is not. Something has to give.

Which brings me to where I am today. No direction. Just here. Getting through every day. Playing it by ear if you will. What else can I do?

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320. Rest Day.

Nothing planned today. Built in rest day. I’ve been trying to stick to a consistent 5 days on, 2 days off. So far it’s been working well. I probably will add another cardio day in once spring hits. Don’t know for sure yet though.

Dealing with a stomach bug. Day 2. I really thought it was from me eating too much dinner the other night, since it came on right after and never really went away. I had not eaten all day and then dove into dinner. My thinking was I ate too much, too quick. I felt really bad and was up through the night with it. You know the feeling where you try to lie a certain way to lessen the pain. Nothing worked.

Then of course the headache came on, and I assume I was dehydrated at that point. Yesterday was iffy at best, and I truly hoped today would be better. I woke up feeling bad, and then it got better and now I feel bad again, with a side of vertigo and a slight headache. Hopefully tomorrow all will be well. I had to call off work tonight. Ugh. Hate that.

Which leads me to this. When I workout more, I tend to eat much less. Almost having to force myself to eat. On days I don’t workout, I’m usually very hungry. Why is that? Also, do you find you eat the same foods over and over again?

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