This Is Really Bothering Me.

I labeled this as both running and personal growth. Why? Well, because I feel my running is partly about my personal growth as well.

As y’all have heard, I’m at a bit of an impasse right now. I just seem frozen. No moving forward and no going back. Why am I making this so damned difficult. I think part of the reason why, is because over the last few years, I have tried so hard to make running not who I am, that it has indeed become that. Running was always a sure thing in my life. It gave me grounding and self discipline.

Running for me has always been all or nothing. I hate that. I hate seeing everyone else’s goals and having none of my own. Makes me self pity myself. Then I look back over the years and see I never really had consistency, never really stuck to a paper plan. Just ran mostly and threw races in there. I always wanted to get faster and I know I have it in me. That was my goal, then I had to go back to work. Everything went to hell from there.

I know, I know. People work and I need to get over it. I have been a stay at home mom and wife for the last 10 years. The transition has been awful. Part of me hates it and resents it, part of me is glad I did. It takes some of the load off my husband and it gives me time away from home to be me, on my own If that makes sense. I just don’t like the impact it has taken on me physically. It truly has taken a toll on me. I have no outlet now. I’m either sleeping or tired. It really is no way to live. It just is not. Something has to give.

Which brings me to where I am today. No direction. Just here. Getting through every day. Playing it by ear if you will. What else can I do?


About runningawaywithme

I'm a mom to 3 gorgeous children and married to a wonderful guy! I work in Critical Care and I classify myself on some levels as an adreneline junky. However, I am terrified of heights! Go figure! Im dedicated to running and physical fitness. There are no excuses good enough to not keep yourself healthy in body and in mind.

Posted on February 13, 2013, in Personal Growth, Running and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. If it’s any consolation, I feel the same way, friend. Feel like I’m just surviving, not THRIVING. Winter blahs don’t help either. Spring is just around the corner though! 🙂

  2. Maybe running AND weight training is too much for you FOR NOW just something to think about. Another thought is are you getting enough calories in? That thought came to me when I read the post before this, about how you don’t eat much on weight training days.

    I haven’t ran a step since October and I was and am and always be a runner whether I am running, sidelined or dead lol. Just one of the many “hats” I wear. I really thought I was going to have a tougher time with not running than I am. I’m actually enjoying this new chapter of my fitness. I wish I knew how the transition happened so that I could actually help you in some way or at least try. I really hope that you can find your sweet spot!!

    • oh oh oh just a thought. I say find a race you want to do. Decide on a goal and make a commitment to that goal. I find that if I have a goal that I want to reach bad enough, it’s enough to motivate me through anything! just a thought .<3

    • I wish I knew. Sometimes I think it’s a time thing. I could always run first thing and train later. IF I was not sleeping or trying to catch up on sleep. I swear its a cycle and I want offfffffff.

      Then I think I expend less energy training with weights then I do running. Make sense? So it’s easier to weight train. Plus, I’m seeing results with the weights and that motivates me. Kwim?

      I don’t think I’m eating enough. I don’t know how to force myself. It may be the chromium as well. However, when I’m on a rest day, I still take it and I’m hungry. It is like that with running as well. I eat less the more I run an when I stop, I’m hungry. Go figure.

      I wish I had some of your mental toughness. Always have. You are one mentally tough chick. I know it’s hard for you. I do. I hope you and I both can find our places and be happy no matter what they are.

  3. Weights bring pretty fast results for people like us Ykwim? With running you have to wait to see the results of your training so the motivation isn’t quite there like with weight training (I know you know this) so I can see why running ends up lagging due to your heavy schedule. If your motivation with running keeps lagging how bout keep up with the base building and focus more on just the weight training and when you decide on a goal race, goal get yourself on a training plan.

    You also may find that once you’re getting the right intake of calories that your mojo comes right back and you may find yourself kicking butt at both running and lifting.l I know it’s HARD to find the right balance with both lifting and running as well as eating. Are you tracking your calories? It’s something I try to do when I am worried that I’m not getting enough calories or too much. Just long enough to see what your eating is like. It’s so easy to either under or over estimate your calorie intake ESPECIALLY with heavy work schedules.

    BTW you are tougher than you give yourself credit for! Thanks for the compliment!

    • Yes. I do love weights. I always forget how much, when I stop doing them for periods at a time.
      I really do need to keep a log of food intake for a little while. I just always hate doing Takes too much time to track the calories/fats/carbs/protein/fiber etc..Maybe If I just do it for a week or two thought, your right. Your exactly right about over or under estimating though.

      Maybe I should just focus on rebuilding my base as well. I don’t even know how to do that I just always focused on getting my mileage in- ie over 30, close to 40 etc..Maybe I should start low again and work my way back up. 3 miles a day think? Bleh. lol

      I will figure it all out. I know for right now, I do like the results from weight training. So, I will stick with it and hopefully the eating and running will follow.

      Thanks for all your advice. It really is very helpful.

  4. Your welcome! You’ll figure things out I have no doubt! Have a nice Valentines day! Hope your stomach is feeling better!

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