To Facebook or NOT to Facebook..

I’m stuck folks. I don’t know what to do. It should be easy right? I’ve had friends tell me to just ditch it and never look back. They promised to follow my blog to keep up with me and I would do the same with them. Some have resorted to texting, which, truth be told, I like that best. Everyone who knows me, knows that texting is my thing. I try to avoid real live phone calls as much as I can. I don’t know why, I just do. Perhaps there is some sort of discomfort in it? I don’t like talking on the phone, I don’t like the way my voice sounds and I feel nervous. Nervous that I don’t sound like I know what I’m talking about OR more importantly, my attention span is very short. I tend to wander off in my mind often. Not that I don’t value what someone has to say, but at times I can be..well..a space cadet of sorts. You know what? That is not fair for me to say that, It is more like I have a constant chain of thoughts going on in my mind at any given time. I never shut up truth be told. Maybe you can’t hear it, but damn I sure can.

It also takes me a while to be able to have a conversation with someone in real life as well. I wonder things such as: “Do I look ok?”, “Do I look/sound funny when I talk?”, “Do people take me seriously?”, “Do I look them in the eye? Or is looking them in the eye creepy?”, “I think I’m looking away too much, look back at them Denise.” , “Do I need to get my eyebrows done again? Oh, God, they are looking at my eyebrows!!!” I wish I could say I was kidding, but I’m really not.

Facebook sometimes makes it too easy for people to behave and become people they are not. It becomes to easy to judge someone solely based on their status updates. It makes it too easy to continue to be an introvert. Passive aggressive, fakes, liars, braggarts, idiots, jerks etc..etc.. TRUST ME, I know some people think the same of me. THEN, it leads to becoming easily hooked on how many people like your updates, how many people like your pictures, how many people comment on what you have to say. Getting your feelings hurt over ridiculous crap, like, “How is it that I like or comment on your shit, yet you can’t step outside your self centered self to comment on my crap?” Which leads to, “I’m unfriending you, you self centered jerk” or “You know what, see if I ever comment on your updates again!! TAKE THAT!” Which 9 times out of 10 never results in an unfriending and I ultimately end up liking your dumb post.

What is so hard about just walking away? It is an addiction? What is it about Facebook that makes it difficult to quit? Is it the realization that if I do that, then I’m faced to realize that I really don’t have many real life friends? Which leads me to, why don’t I have a lot of real life friends? I’m picky. Very picky about who I keep company with. OR maybe I’m not picky, but that insecure about myself. I’m a homebody by choice, BUT, in all fairness to myself, once you get me out of the house and in the company of friends or other people, I usually do fine. I eventually open up and eventually I have a good time. It’s the getting me there that is the issue.

I often try to think of what kind of person that I am. Someone once called me passive agressive and I thought about it for awhile and I really don’t think that I am. I mean I don’t fit the definition 100%. I have some characteristics, but I think we all hold some characteristics of a lot of personality disorders. We have already discussed that I’m insecure, maybe the other half of that is shy? See, I don’t know. I’m very VERY opionated, probably too much so sometimes. I can be critical as well, but mostly with myself. I try to be a good person, and I often care TOO much about things..especially people. I care what people think of me, even when I say I don’t a lot of the time. Maybe I am just this insecure person who constantly seeks the approval of others. Wanting to fit in somewhere, but just not knowing where.

The greatest cause of our insecurity is that we compare our behind-the-scenes life, with others highlights reel. John Reyes

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About runningawaywithme

I'm a mom to 3 gorgeous children and married to a wonderful guy! I work in Critical Care and I classify myself on some levels as an adreneline junky. However, I am terrified of heights! Go figure! Im dedicated to running and physical fitness. There are no excuses good enough to not keep yourself healthy in body and in mind.

Posted on February 16, 2013, in Personal Growth. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. The key (at least for me) is to not care if anyone reads, comments or likes what you post! In the long run whether you keep FB or get rid of it the people that truly care about you aren’t going to disappear. They will take the time to keep up with you one way or another. FB is great to keep in touch with friends/family that aren’t texters or close by. For what it’s worth all anyone needs is their family and maybe a few close friends! These days good people you can trust are hard to come by. By the way if I didn’t communicate with my boys a lot through face book as well as a sister or two as well as a few others I probably would get rid of FB.

    If it causes more stress then good GET RID OF IT!

  2. Meh. Your right. lol.. I try not to care, but I always end up caring. I get annoyed for the most part. I just notice that some people are more self centered than others. I actually deleted one or two of them. Maybe eventually I’ll delete the whole damn page. heh.

  3. Someone told me a long time ago, “don’t try to keep up with the Jones’s, they aren’t very nice anyway.”
    I hope your able to see yourself for the wonderful person you are soon. Please don’t waste any more time questioning and obsessing over things that just don’t matter. Remember life is short….

  4. I know. You are right my friend. Was I like this as a kid too? I mean worrying all the time about everything? Did I make you nuts? I drive myself nuts.

    • I don’t recall you being a worrier. I probably did enough for both of us, ( don’t laugh, don’t cry.) I think you always tried to be a people/peer pleaser though. Just thinking now maybe you were worried? Maybe about what they’d think or of not being accepted in their (sometimes vicious circle.) Idk? I really hate to think of you struggling with this old baggage 😦

      • Lololol old memories have come flooding back!

        Sigh. It is very old baggage. You remember that horrible 5/6th grade crap!! Lol. That and you know who…baggage indeed.

        I did have a lot of good memories though! Thanks to you. You got me through so much. The laughing,the arguments, all of it!!!

      • Absolutely! The good memories outweigh the bad. Just last week I passed the old cemetery in Bound Brook and quickly recalled the two of us eating your Campbell’s chicken noodle soup for breakfast. Remember?? 🙂

      • Yes!! HAHA!!! Is that the time you hid in my closet when Nancy came home? Or was that yet ANOTHER time we tried to skip?

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