Woke up in a panic..

Ugh. Why do I have to make this so difficult? I don’t know why I allow myself to struggle so much with my body image. Yesterday I was happy, yes. It was not long after before all the self doubt began to creep into my head, like, “What are you doing? Why would you want to weight train an already big body? Why would you run the risk of growing and having the scale go up as well as your clothing size to fit your legs?”

I don’t truly know where the happy medium is. Everything inside me screams to go back to the higher mileage running, burn those calories, but the reality is that slow sustained cardio is not the answer. It may have worked the first year, but it slowed way down. Then I think, what was I doing when I weighed 125. Ahhh, I was running higher mileage and NOT eating due to stress and job challenges with my husband. Of course.. But I think that is where I probably started damaging my metabolism. I think I lived on and off that way for about a year. Don’t get me wrong, running is good! I have learned that running for so long, eventually stops working or slows down the weight loss tremendously after a period of time. I know in my head that weight training, combined with SOME cardio is MUCH better. I have this little whisper that keeps saying, you can get back to 125 if you cut your calories way back down and run longer again. No. I have to keep forging forward, continue on the path that I am, to prove to myself that I’m doing the right thing.

It’s probably safe to say that unless you have struggled with this, you could never truly appreciate what goes on inside our train of thinking. I can look at a picture of myself, and be happy, but as soon as you associate a number with it such as weight or body fat %, all of that goes out the window. I realize I AM truly a prisoner to the number. I need to not be.

This journey has made me realize that I need to learn how to have a healthy relationship with my body. Baby steps. I think yes. So bear with me while I work through some of this crap.

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About runningawaywithme

I'm a mom to 3 gorgeous children and married to a wonderful guy! I work in Critical Care and I classify myself on some levels as an adreneline junky. However, I am terrified of heights! Go figure! Im dedicated to running and physical fitness. There are no excuses good enough to not keep yourself healthy in body and in mind.

Posted on May 2, 2013, in Personal Growth, Running, Weight training and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Cherrie Hall

    oh I get it, totally. I can see a pic and think “hmm, nice” but within minutes I’m noticing that my belly is still puffy, my arms are still too jiggly, etc. It is sad the extent that we beat ourselves up. You, my friend, are a beautiful, powerful, fit woman that I aspire to look even remotely like.

    • You are kind my friend.. Thank you. I’ve been becoming very aware of how we, as women in general, tend to see ourselves. It’s sad and unhealthy. It comes in all shapes and sizes and it’s no fun to constantly be under your own critical eye. I’m hoping to overcome it all. My blog posts are helping me get a lot of stuff out, in hopes that someone can relate to my words.

  2. TRUST YOURSELF!! Problems with body image is one thing that I don’t think every truly goes away. I know yesterday I put something on and it didn’t fit like it normally did. I of course go looking in the mirror and then asking Ken if I look like i”m building muscle or is there more fat. I know in my head that it’s muscle however there’s that part of me that thinks otherwise.We are our worst enemy!!

    Enjoy the beach and time with Sierra!!

  3. Wow I am basically in the same place. Trying to lose the weight again with less cardio and better eating. I never really went super low calorie but I don’t want to have to stress about calories at all! Nor run super long distances It is hard to find the balance!
    ~Ang

    • It’s a balance, but you will get there through trial and error. I’ve been on this journey since January.

      Have you read what I posted yesterday? It’s kin of where I am today. Also take. Look at my progress pics.

      🙂 take care!

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