Category Archives: Personal Growth

88 Days Left..Really?!

I feel like this year has just flown by! Worked 12 hours last night, woke up and hit the gym. YES, I did. I know a hot topic for a lot of us is, “Well, I just don’t have time” and you  know what, nobody wants to hear me preach about the importance of making time. I feel like I do it often on here, but I cannot make myself any clearer. You just have to. I can be honest for a sec and say that when I first wake up, I am in NO mood ready, willing, or happy about going to the gym. I’m just not. I don’t force or rush myself out the door- my ritual usually consists of getting up, making coffee and throwing in 2 Eggo Multigrain Waffles into the toaster oven. If you know anything at all about me, know this, I am a creature of habit. I pretty much eat the same things over and over again. Does it get boring? No, not really, because, like I said..I am a creature of habit. I enjoy knowing what I am going to have and how it fits into my daily macro allotment. Anyway, I will eat, sit outside if it’s nice, browse and just relax and slowly wake up. The longer I’m awake, the better the idea of hitting the gym sounds to me. I can’t say I get excited, but there is a certain amount of enthusiasm that builds up over the course of the 30 minutes or so that I am sitting there thinking about what I’m going to do for my day’s workout.

Today I knew I wanted my focus to be on my shoulders. I LOVE working my shoulders and maybe that is because that is where I show progress the quickest and it’s easiest to see there. Either way, I do love a good shoulder workout. This is what I did:

DB Lateral Raises 4×12

Diamond Push-ups- 2×12 (I actually did these dead last)

Presses on the Hammer Machine-4×12

Db Front Raises 5×5

Barbell overhead Press- 4×8

Single Arm Cable front raises 5×5

cable upright rows- 4×12

Single Arm Cable lat raises-5×5 (which were supersetted with the single arm front raises)

great workout and very glad I went and got it done. NO cardio. Not a lick. I just did cardio on Sunday yo’, you know how I feel about cardio! On a side note, I was looking for a tshirt to throw on after my shower and I found my one running tshirt that has a ton a reasons why I run splashed across the front. I had a little teary eyed moment. I did. I had the strongest urge to just go out for a quick run. I did. I still think running is a part of who I am, because I do have feelings that reappear out of nowhere at times. Almost a longing , but for right now, it’s on the back burner. I’m really okay with it at the end of the day. I will go back to it, just maybe with a different perspective on it. So there you have it, I worked, I slepted and I got up and got my workout done.

I took a few pictures because taking pictures of myself (selfies If you will is a way that I gauge my progress. It isn’t because I’m conceited or I’m full of myself, CONTRARE to what others may think, it is merely another tracking tool for me) to see how my progress is coming along. Lately I have been feeling down on myself. I feel like maybe I’m not doing something right, I feel like my progress has been slow and honestly, I have been feeling discouraged. Which, btw are all NORMAL feelings to have. I took a look at the pictures and I realized that I am indeed going in the right direction and that I MUST be doing at least a little something right. I can smile on the inside a little bit more knowing that I continue to learn and I continue to work on myself and figure out what does and does not work for me. Everyday, all of this..it’s a learning process. I just hope to achieve my goals and inspire people along the way.

I turn 41 on Monday and although it is not as bad as turning 40 was, it is just a reminder that time does go by very fast. I am trying to do the best that I can to be the best version of me possible. I’m trying to learn all that I can and passing it along to those that want the help or that are interested. I LOVE helping people and I LOVE seeing the progress they are making. I want to prove to everyone out there that just because you are *older* does not mean you cannot achieve anything you want- whether it’s with your body or elsewhere. I want people to stop listening to the hype about all the reasons and excuses WHY they are overweight or WHY they can’t work out. You are NOT a failure and YOU CAN do this. Take a good look at yourself and figure out what you are going to do to make the changes necessary to be the best version of you possible.

I want to quickly add that there is also a lot to be said about being comfortable with the SKIN YOU ARE IN. If YOU are truly HAPPY with where you are at in your life, what you see in the reflection of your mirror, how you treat people and what you put out into the world, then you GO!!! Continue to strive for that every day of your life. Remember that everyone is going through their own struggles and battles in their lives. Take a minute to smile at people, say hello and brighten their day. People make mistakes in life, we are often misread, and often times we are forgotten about on a daily basis. Try to be aware of those that maybe you think you should be giving a little extra attention to, even if that person is YOU.

Be you..be true and live your life to it’s fullest.

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Down to 90 Days..

I cannot believe I have made it this long. Well, yes I can, but I have done it with very little effort and have learned so many things along the way. The biggest piece I have learned is that life is about balance.  Balancing the good and the bad and  to just keep moving forward through all your ups and downs.

I want to talk a little about metabolic issues today. There is much controversy regarding metabolic damage (Metabolic Damage:”This is a condition where the nervous, endocrine, and immunological systems lose their ability to function properly due to extreme weight loss measures or repeated dieting. In functional medicine we call it neuroedocrineimmune dysfunction because these systems are not separate at all, but have overlapping communication and integrated function” -Jade Teta ND, CSCS). Some gurus simply believe it just does not exist, and then there are those that believe it truly does exist, because they are living examples of it.

The people I have read first accounts and stories of as well as people I know in real life are what I like to call “Perpetual Dieters”, they spend more time dieting than not dieting, and because they are constantly suppressing their system, losing weight becomes next to impossible for them. “I’m only eating 1000 calories a day and I’m not losing, I just don’t understand it” I see this ALL the time. Which is most often followed up with, “Please tell me what to do, BUT, note, that I cannot eat carbs due to the intolerance I have” Let me let you in on a little secret- you are NOT carb intolerant. NOT. (again, I must put in my little disclaimer of- I am NOT speaking of anyone with a true documented medical condition- celiacs et al..and when I mean documented, I mean not SELF dx’d, I mean you went to the Dr. and were officially tested for said conditions). What I like to tell these perpetual dieters is that first and foremost you really need to work on re-setting your *system*. What does this mean? This means that you must spend some time slowly upping your caloric intake to where it really should be. Which will vary according to a few different variables such as, your age, your weight, your height and your activity level. Then I tell them, if your not moving, you NEED to get moving, be active, exercise!! Which is followed by “Well I do cardio every single day, I am moving”, which leads me to say the unthinkable..ready for this? Hold on to your hats……”STOP DOING THAT MUCH CARDIO!!!” just stop.  What I would really prefer is for you to stop cardio all together for a period of time. NO cardio is NOT evil or bad and I know that some will argue with me until they are blue in the face. However, combining excessive amounts of cardio on top of EXTREMELY low calories is NOT beneficial to you. Sure, it may work at first, why? Because you are shocking your system and it’s something new. Trust me on this, you WILL eventually hit that stall. The  point where you stop losing weight and you may even start gaining- which makes people assume they must need to lower their calories even more and do yet even more cardio. NO. Just stop.

My advice is to cut back your cardio to maybe a few leisurely walks a week, some stretching and start picking up some weights. What I will warn you though is that stopping cardio cold turkey and eating more right away will make you retain water like nobody’s business and therefore you will see the scale numbers go up. Take it slow, I would first start dropping the cardio little by little (keep your calories the same right now), I would focus on eating more protein and fiber for awhile to keep you feeling satiated. Did you know that  you should be eating at least 1g of protein per your bodyweight? Some may argue it should be lean body mass vs total body weight..I say 1lb per your bodyweight. So if you weigh 125, it would be 125 grams of protein a day, 140 would be 140 grams per day and so on. I would also strive to be sure you are getting at least 25-35 grams of fiber in your diet daily as well. Most people really struggle with this, I highly encourage logging all your food to get a grasp on your macronutrients.

THEN start upping your calories little by little and at the same time, start incorporating those weights. Do not be afraid of lifting weights. I cannot stress this enough. If you are a woman NO, it will NOT make you look bulky and ugly. Put that thought right out of your pretty little head right now. Lifting weights will make you a little fat burning furnace, long after you have stopped your workout. Lift heavy. Period. There is no such thing as *toning* it is a myth people. Nobody spot *tones* anything. ANYTHING!!! You want to look leaner and stronger, pick up the weights and get to it. I cannot stress this enough. “Well I have back issues, I have shoulder issues, I can’t lift weights” YES you can. You may have to do a little more research to be able to sub out exercises, but you can do it. STOP MAKING excuses. JUST STOP. I have seen many people face many adversities and still keep going. They don’t give up. They continually strive to be the best them they can be. I have friends that have back problems, that have had back surgeries, you know what? They are still out there everyday fighting the fight and doing what they need to do. You have to first figure out why you keep making up excuses to why you can’t do what you know you really need to do. The only one stopping you is YOU.

My goal is to try and continue to get the message out that low calorie/extreme cardio diets are NOT the way to go. They are ruining your body. Get off the cardio machines and move some iron. I have come from a background of distance running as most of you know that have been following me. I have spent years running and years of depriving my system of the food and calories it needed thinking that is what I was supposed to do. I eventually burned out, hard. I was starving, my body was starving and my running began to become something I no longer loved. I hated it. I no longer wanted to associate with other runners that I knew, it made me sad and it made me jealous. I felt like a failure and without my running, I felt like they had no need to be my friend anymore, because the one thing we had in common, I put on the wayside for awhile. They stopped talking to me and I them. I spend a great deal of time physically and emotionally repairing myself. Emotionally because I felt like a huge failure. I felt like a fake. I used to say how much I loved running and it was who I was. The truth is, I ran myself into the ground. Do I miss it? I miss it a lot some days. Maybe I will go back some time, but right now, it isn’t my focus, and truth be told, I do very little cardio right now. Maybe 2/20 minute sessions a week at the most. My body has thanked me for it and you know what? My body is in the best shape it has ever been in. NOT because I run, but because I stopped and I started seriously weight training. Is running bad? NO! Of course not! What I will say, is if you are a runner, please be sure you are EATING enough to sustain your body and your runs. This was my biggest problem. I simply was not eating to fuel my runs. It took me a few months to really be okay with not running. I was very much like “Well, if I’m not running, then who am I?”.. I’m a wife, mother, friend and most of all an individual person that is separate from the rest. I have dreams and desires and things I want to do.

As you know, I personally follow a macro nutrient based lifestyle. This is what I like and what I prefer, so I will often refer to this lifestyle throughout my posts. I have had people ask me how it works and can I teach them. It’s very easy and very freeing. Step one is figuring out your macro breakdown do this by going to: www.iifym.com once you go there go to tools and figure out your numbers. Then it will then break down what your macros should be based on your daily caloric intake. Once you have that all figured out you are set to go. Like I have said in previous posts, you will need to log your daily intake- I highly suggest you get yourself a food scale so that you can be precise in your calculations and logging your food. If you find that your calories are MUCH higher than what you are used to (which I suspect it will be), my suggestion would be to start out slow until you work your way up to where you should be. You may have some initial weight gain, but that will even out and stop AND some may even find that they lose right off the bat. Either way, stick the course, do not give up. Stick with it day in and day out. Give it 10 days, once you make it 10 days, give yourself another 10 days..it will become a habit, I promise. Diet followed with a good strong exercise/weight training  regime will give you results. I promise.

If you have any questions, please post them and I will be sure to get back to you.

 

Friday! Yes!

Now that I am down to 2 work days a week, I feel so much more NORMAL. My sleeping is back to being what is normal for me, I feel better, and I look forward to tackling my days now.

Dropped the kids off at school and headed to the gym (gotta love those early morning workouts, get em’ done and claim your day!) Today was chest, shoulders, tri’s and bi’s. I’m deloading so all my weights are light. I feel like screaming in the gym- “I AM ON A DELOAD WEEK! DELOAD! THIS IS NOT MY TYPICAL LIFTING WEIGHT!!” but, then I figure, who really cares? Nobody is watching me NOR do they really care. When you workout, never compare yourself to anyone other than YOURSELF.

Even though my weight were low, I went with higher repetitions, and yes, by golly I am a little sore. My routine was this:

Bench Press

Cable Cross-overs

Incline Flys

Incline DB Press

Bicep Curls

Single Bicep Curls

Tricep Rope pull downs

Dips off a bench

Presses

Lateral raises

Rear Delt Raises

I did some Ab work as well.

Most of these were 4 sets of 12-15 AND supersetted with one another.

 

So I have to share. I had stopped to go to the bathroom (well, because that is what happens when you drink close to a gallon of water a day), and a lady (a little older than myself) stopped me and asked what I did in terms of working out. She said she is absolutely amazed with my physique and my body is her inspiration. I was so COMPLETELY and UTTERLY  flattered. Her and I spoke for the next 20 minutes (normally this would bother me as I was in between sets, but I wanted to answer her questions), she told me how she lost 45 lbs over the last two years and how she has come to love going to the gym. She even went as far to say that she goes home and tells her husband about me, and how badly she has been wanting to talk to me (her husband finally pushed her to just talk to me..so FUNNY! I  just cannot imagine that) We had such a great talk and I so badly wanted to tell her to quit the daily cardio she is doing- BUT, I refrained. The first thing I have learned in this whole process is to NOT tell people what they are doing WRONG, but encourage them in all they are doing RIGHT.  She even went as far as to ask me if I thought it would be weird if she wrote down everything she saw me doing next time I was at the gym (stalker much? NO, KIDDING!! TOTALLY), of COURSE I said YES! I was so flattered. NO really. I hope to be an inspiration to SO many MORE people out there. I want people to know that this is a REAL attainable goal. You CAN do this. I am  HAPPY. I am not restrictive in ANY WAY. NONE. I don’t have any forbidden foods, I don’t do LOW carb, Low fat, Low ANYTHING. My workouts are SO rewarding. I love them.

 

I would not be fair for me to say that you can look like me or have the physique you want without saying that nutrition REALLY is a HUGE part of it. HUGE. You can go to the gym all you want, but you really have to close that nutrition loop. I am not talking about crazy diets (It isn’t a diet it’s a lifestyle), rock bottom calories or being miserable. So please, just take those thoughts out of your head. I realize that not everyone wants to have to measure their food, or watch their intake. I realize it may turn people off right there. I may have just lost someone in that last statement. It’s ok. When they are ready they will come back. The first thing is that you need to get an idea of HOW MUCH you are actually eating in a day. The only  true way to do this is to TRACK your food for a week. EVERYTHING that goes into your mouth, write it down. There are TONS of apps out there, that you can download to your phone. My favorite are Mynetdiary and Mymacros. There is myfitness pal as well, but I don’t care for it honestly. This way you can see where your calories are. That would be step 1. You really cannot just go all willy nilly and guestimate. It’s too important. I want you to be able to see if you are eating too much OR too little. Believe it or not, too little is a common theme.

 

I personally  choose to follow my macros. I enjoy this way much better.  I will talk about that tomorrow. However, for now, a good tip I received from a reputable source is this:

If you want to lose weight, multiply your weight by 12. If you want to maintain, multiply your weight by 14/15. That is a good GUIDE/STARTING point. This way you have a general idea of numbers. Well, I don’t want to bombard today, so I will post more soon. Remember, give it a chance. Track your intake for a week. It’s a real eye opener. Try not to be conscious of what you are eating. Just eat the way you are right now. Measure it and track it. Go!

 

Day 121!

I know, I know..last time I blogged I was at day 190something or thereabouts! Yes, I am still going strong, and getting more and more motivated as the days pass me. I am still working out in my home set up, but have had to move some of my workouts to the gym down the road. Some of my weights have gotten heavy to the point, that what I have at home are not supporting me AND, I have moved to a Smith Machine for my squats. Which I personally feel more comfortable with. I’ll be honest here and say that I was starting to get in my own head, once my weight started to climb up. I stalled at 165, why? I was scared. Honestly scared, you know the scared I am talking about. The scared where I thought about having to do them HOURS before my workout time..maybe even days. Crazy right? NO. I feel this is perfectly normal when you are lifting heavy. However, in my case it was effecting my ability to do them properly, when In my heart I KNOW I can do them. I have some STRONG legs on me and the only thing that was stopping me was ME. I’ll tell you a little secret, It was so bad that I was shaking continuously throughout the workout. Who puts themselves through that?? Someone like me who is dedicated and strong willed. I cannot let this beat me. I just can’t. I will work this through until I can get PAST 165.

The other thing you may be wondering is WHY ON EARTH would a GIRL want to lift that heavy. I ask you, WHY NOT? Why not test your limits? Lifting heavy will NOT, I repeat WILL NOT make you big and bulky and manly. Let’s just talk about this for a second. Manly. Yes, there are some women out there AS WELL AS men who think that women who lift heavy and have MUSCLES are manly. Dude. Really? Do you know the amount of time (psst..YEARS)it would take to get THAT big, let alone the DRUGS that are involved with getting that big? Okay, Okay, before all you natty people out there get your feathers fluffed, there ARE NATURAL bodybuilders out there who are big because they worked their asses off. No need to shoot me nasty messages or comments. However, we all know, including YOU that natty is NOT the norm in the industry. Anyway, I digress. To the women out there, you WILL NOT GET BIG and huge and manly. You will get FIT, awesome muscle tone and a great ass. Who doesn’t want that? HOWEVER, you do know that NUTRITION plays a VITAL role in all of the above. You cannot get to grandma’s house with NO gas in the car. Over the last couple months I have done my due diligence with learning and learning some more about the eating component of all this. Not just lifting, but eating in general and what I have found out is that I really love learning about it. I’m a food nerd. I love reading about it, I love learning about it and lest we not forget the fact that I LOVE to eat it.

Going forward I will be talking about food, calories, macros and fitness. I will continue to talk about my journey and where I am going still, but I want to broaden things a bit to try and help others understand all the components of successful weight loss, keeping it off, GAINING weight as well as maintaining. So much to talk about..I’m excited! Are you?

Anyway, back to me. I am still doing Wendler’s and I am currently getting ready to start Cycle 5 next week (I’m deloading this week). I may do one more cycle and then focus more on specific things, since I have plans for myself..(shhhhh)..I actually have started adding in some new things, such as Hacks Squats, Sumo Deadlifts, Leg Press, Seated Cable Rows, and Lat pull downs. The gym was a little intimidating at first, since I’m used to doing things on my own in the privacy of my own home, but thankfully the gym I go to is small (but has all the equipment I could ever need) and quiet (think Senior Citizen) which is great, because I don’t need to wait forever to use equipment and have to compete with people standing around yapping while I am trying to get my workout in. Which leads me to, people, you go to the gym to workout, you go to the bar or wherever else you young people go to socialize. Those of us who want to get in and get out, don’t and can’t be bothered with those of you texting in between sets WHILE you are sitting on the piece of equipment that others want to use, or just plain standing in the way. Get your shit done and move along…kthanksbye.

My eating has been more on point than ever, and although there was some initial weight gain that came along with fixing my metabolism, that has since dropped back off. I am now in the process of trying to find my gaining point. I am happy thus far to know that my calories are MUCH higher than they once were, when I would gain. YAY, for fixing my body! Eat more. It’s that simple. Not all at once of course, but you CAN train your body to take in more calories AND lose weight. It’s a process and it takes time and patience, but it can be done. I no longer believe that people are carb intolerant, I do believe that WE make ourselves that way by the constant restricting and binging that we do. If you don’t believe me, please head on over to Layne Norton on Youtube. Take a listen for yourself. Educate yourself. Learn, read and then learn some more about how our bodies are supposed to work. I have to put in my little disclaimer, I am not referring to ANYONE who has a true medical disorder, or someone who is gluten intolerant OR ANY OF THOSE OTHER ISSUES. I am merely speaking of the commoner like myself who has NO issues with food, but was led to believe for many, many years that low carb, no carb, low fat, no fat, low calories was the way to go. It’s time to get up, be smart and educate yourselves. It Is my hope that I can help you along the way.

Anyway, all of the information I talk about here is coming from my own research (as I am NOT a licensed professional-YET). Just like anything else, do your own homework and proceed with caution if you are medically able to. If not, please take the advice of your Doctor before you try anything new.

Until next time..ttfn

PS, you will NEVER hear me talk about what you CAN’T eat. NEVER. That is NOT my philosophy. It’s not what I believe in, therefore, I will not condone it. Eat what you like. This is a lifestyle that needs to be a reality and one that you can keep on a day to day basis.

It’s been awhile..

I have had so much going on, that it’s been hard to keep up with everything. I will try and update everything this week at some point..

Cliff Notes:

I have begun my journey to getting my Nutrition and Personal Training Certifications through NASM. Have my books, materials and online learning tools, I’m about a month in. So excited that I finally took the leap of faith!

I have another goal for the end of 2014 (well near the end), but I won’t post about that just yet..

I have been weight training daily, I’m getting fantastic results and have FINALLY figured out the eating portion of it all! Yes! Finally! This truly has been a journey and one that I am so glad I decided to take a leap into. Everything thus far is on point and I could not be happier with the way things are going. Granted, everything truly is a work in progress and I learn new things daily, BUT, I am definitely heading in the right direction.

Work continues to be work, but luckily my schedule is pretty stable for the next 5 months or so, so for that alone I am grateful. My sleep has gotten so much better, which has improved my overall moods. I have continued to see who my real friends are over the course of the last few months and sadly I have lost one, but, I have to look at it in terms of, when you grow, sometimes people don’t like it. Perhaps it scares them, makes them nervous OR it makes them take a look at themselves and they find out who I am becoming makes them feel uneasy about who they are, or make them realize that perhaps they have changes to make within themselves as well, and maybe they are not ready for that yet. It hurt a lot at first, but, I have to be ok with that. It’s their decision to stay or go.. and If your reading this NO, it’s NOT YOU. You know who you are 🙂 We are still friends, just have to figure out how to make the time to nourish the friendship.

I’m more than half way through this 365 day journey and I have not intention of stopping at the end of the year. It has made me realize how very much into fitness and nutrition I really am. You will see more fitness related stuff coming from me in the near future as well as a LOT of pictures of my recipes and food concoctions. I am finding that I love to cook and share my recipes as well as my fitness tips.

I also have a page on Instagram, where I am building up a following. You will find mainly progress pictures, cooking pictures, food pictures and some motivational captions. You can find me @browneyedgirldee on Instagram! Come and follow me!

I also have a new page on Facebook called Runningawaywithme (surprise, surprise!). I am trying to keep my fitness related stuff separate from my personal page, because I realize that not everybody has the same frame of mind that I do. I’m ok with that :-).

Well, I’ll be back to give a more updated post, about where I am with my weight training, my eating and my recipes. Stay tuned!!

205-204

Yesterday I only worked on my pull-ups a bit. Those suckers are hard, but close grip pulls are definitely a hair easier than wide grip. My goal is to be able to do 10 in a row by years end. I know, I know.. Seems so easy, but these are tough for me! I can only really do 5 sets of 2 right now! Ha!

Went to the drs today, and I have bronchitis. Yay. Walked out with a script for a zpack and cough syrup. I may still get my workout in today, not sure. Considering it’s a deload, I probably can. Today is press day.

Made a yummy green shake! Spinach, avocado, coconut milk, strawberries, a nectarine and bananas. Made enough for the kid and I. Very good!

Days 222-206. I’m still here!

I have just been busy with summer sports, work and getting my yard beautified! It seems like this 2 days a week work thing is really working and jiving with me and my family. Yes! It only took almost 2 years to figure it all out, but thankfully, it’s working itself out. I am very grateful that I have a place of employment that has worked with me and a family that has been so supportive through this big transition.

We are heading into the summer gym schedule (yea!) and we are into baseball and softball season. Sierra has amazed us with her softball skilz! She is a beast out there! Who knew?? For a little thing, she is a monster! We continue to struggle with Legion Ball politics and playing time for our eldest, and we sit on the fence on whether to pull him out or not. I won’t get into that here, since I don’t want to offend anyone. As much as I’d like to and as big of an opinion that I have, it’s shocking I know, but I will refrain on this one topic!

As for me, I’m still plugging along with my weight training and just completed week 4 of Wendler, since coming back from my Oral Surgery. I love the program and have seen gains! This week is my de-load week and then I start up Cycle 2. I’m dealing with a terrible chest cold, but have managed to finish up this weeks workout. I don’t feel like putting in the last 4 weeks of workouts, so I won’t! What I have done is the main lifts for that day and then did 5×10 of the same lift at about 50%, added in a couple assistives and called it a day. I slowly started adding cardio back in and did my first speed session on Thursday. Gabriel and I did 10×100 meter sprints (with a mile warm up and mile cool down). That was tough, especially since I have not done speed in a good few months, probably more. However, it felt good to turn the legs over and see I still have my speed for the most part. I’m not concerned with the mileage at all this go round. I have found that I am much happier in that regard.

I am evolving into this person, that I actually like. I have left some old friendships by the wayside, and have made some news ones and appreciate the old ones even more! I cannot thank them enough for all they have given me in this last 1.5 years. I am more confident in who I am, loving the direction I am taking in life by becoming a Personal Trainer (yes! This makes me feel all giddy to say it!), so many people have encouraged me to do so, and even though it has always been a deep dark secret of mine, it’s finally good to say it out loud and to know that people have felt the same way as I have. I love talking about fitness and I love helping people. Once that is done, I will get my Fitness Nutrition Certification. As for Nursing? It’s still in there, but I’m not sure it gives me the same thrill as Personal Training does when I think of it.  I need to do something that will give me a feeling of accomplishment, of being able to help people, of getting my message out. I have spent far too long hiding under the radar, being afraid to speak of what I know, acting like I am less than I am when around certain people. I know this stuff! I know A LOT about Fitness. I have a lot to learn, but I have a good base. I am always  reading and learning and asking. I look at myself in the mirror and know that what I see, I have done myself. I would love to be able to help others in that same way.

I don’t look like a fitness model or a physique model, but, I don’t look half bad for doing it on my own. I also know that I have not done the whole 9 yards, and if I did, I’m sure I would look even better than I do. Right now, I am taking small steps, because I feel that taking small steps help make the most lasting impressions on your body. I want to be able to get the message out that lifting is good and it is nothing to be afraid of. I want people to know how important and fantastic exercise can be! I want to teach them how to do it right and how to learn to love it. I’ve been doing this now for over 100 days! I’ve stuck by it and have remained committed to it. It has not been easy and I have had some down days, but I keep getting up and getting back to it. I’m no goody two shoes, or do I constantly preach to burn people out, I just sit quietly in the background waiting to help if needed.

I know I said I was not going to post all of the last xx amount of days workouts, but, I will just post  yesterdays. This week is my deload week, like I said.

Day 206 (June 9th)

Main lift is the deadlift

Deadlift (warm up)5×75, 5×91 and 3×111

Actual-5×141, 3×155, and 1+x175 (I did 5) (Last week was 5+) it may be hard to understand this since you are not seeing the previous weeks workout. IF you want to know about it, just look up Wendler’s 5/3/1 and I’m doing the BBB version of it.

Then:

5 x 10 @91 lbs (which is my 50%)

Supersetted with:

Hip Thrusts (alternating single leg and normal) 5×25@30lbs

Ended with 3×10 @ 35lbs of walking lunges.

Yes, I’m still struggling with the eating. I’m getting much better though. I have learned that to build muscle you have to FEED yourself. You CANNOT gain muscle in a deficit. So the theory of cutting calories AND building muscle is not a good one. Pick one, and then go to the other. This is where bulking and cutting come into play. I will do a very  modified version of both at some junction. Which, I will share with you down the road. For now, I’m just focusing on this. I have NOT gained massive amounts of weight by cutting back my cardio either! I have pretty much maintained, with a small gain of lean muscle. I’m ok with that. I track my measurements and scale weight together. We all know the scale is NOT a good indicator of much of anything. It can help you gauge, but anything more than that, don’t go by it’s word alone. I have found that my weight can fluctuate by as much as *GASP* 8 lbs!! Yes, I said that. 8 LBS!! My body loves to hold on to water, especially now with weight training. The key is to drink more, but I have a love hate relationship with water.

I guess I have blabbed enough for now. Talk soon!

 

 

 

221..

Rest day today. Worked a 12 last night. Tired, groggy and yuck. Went to G’s tournament game, windy and cold!

Home now, wine poured, grill blazing, brownies made! Time to throw the salmon on!

Dinner is Salmon, rice and some veggie! Hard to be on my eating coming off a shift. Tomorrow will be structured again!

Is it better to be a loner with one or two good friends, or popular with lots of friends, but no true friends? Make sense? I’m 40 and still don’t know the answer to that question!

Have a good night!

Don’t know what’s on tap for tomorrow! Wendler week 2 starts Monday with presses! Excited!

Woke up in a panic..

Ugh. Why do I have to make this so difficult? I don’t know why I allow myself to struggle so much with my body image. Yesterday I was happy, yes. It was not long after before all the self doubt began to creep into my head, like, “What are you doing? Why would you want to weight train an already big body? Why would you run the risk of growing and having the scale go up as well as your clothing size to fit your legs?”

I don’t truly know where the happy medium is. Everything inside me screams to go back to the higher mileage running, burn those calories, but the reality is that slow sustained cardio is not the answer. It may have worked the first year, but it slowed way down. Then I think, what was I doing when I weighed 125. Ahhh, I was running higher mileage and NOT eating due to stress and job challenges with my husband. Of course.. But I think that is where I probably started damaging my metabolism. I think I lived on and off that way for about a year. Don’t get me wrong, running is good! I have learned that running for so long, eventually stops working or slows down the weight loss tremendously after a period of time. I know in my head that weight training, combined with SOME cardio is MUCH better. I have this little whisper that keeps saying, you can get back to 125 if you cut your calories way back down and run longer again. No. I have to keep forging forward, continue on the path that I am, to prove to myself that I’m doing the right thing.

It’s probably safe to say that unless you have struggled with this, you could never truly appreciate what goes on inside our train of thinking. I can look at a picture of myself, and be happy, but as soon as you associate a number with it such as weight or body fat %, all of that goes out the window. I realize I AM truly a prisoner to the number. I need to not be.

This journey has made me realize that I need to learn how to have a healthy relationship with my body. Baby steps. I think yes. So bear with me while I work through some of this crap.

Days 257-251, Boy Am I a Hot Mess..

Hot messes, can be good though..yes? I’m all over the map lately, which is fine, but I probably appear to be a bit *off-balance* to those around me, and that is fine. I’m working through some stuff. I’m the only one that really matters at the end of the day. I’ll post my workouts first.

Friday- April 19th & Saturday April 20th

NADA (days 257-56)

Sunday, April 21- Day 255

Dumbell Rows- 5×5@25lbs

Bench Press- 5×5@71lbs

Hammers- 1×5 @20lbs and 2×5@25lbs

Military Presses aka overhead presses-5×5@20lbs

EZ Bar Rows-5×5@51lbs

Close Grip Press-1×7 @65 and 2×5 @65 (I don’t know what this was all about- too long ago)

Deadlifts-5×5@ 135lbs (My body weight baybay)

Monday- April 22nd – Day 254

Ran 5.0 miles

Tuesday- April 23rd- Day 253

Hammers- 5×5@25lbs

Deadlifts 3×5@141 (ROAR!!)

DB Rows- 2×5@25lbs, 2×5@30lbs (Bent over rows)

Bench Press- 5×5@75lbs

Upright Rows- 5×5 @45lbs

Walking Lunges- 4×10@35lbs

Military Presses- 5×5 @20lbs

Push-ups- 2×20 @ body weight (I HATE push ups. No, I really really do)

Wednesday- April 24th- Day 252

5.0 Mile Run

Thursday- April 25th- Day 251

Back Squats- 5×5@115lbs (I need a new weight belt, mine is too big)

Bent over EZ Bar Rows- 5×5@ 51lbs

Push ups- 2×20 (Have I mentioned I hate these? )

Overhead presses- 5×5@20lbs (Don’t do these with push ups. Just don’t)

Farmer Walk- 2×40 @35lbs

Walking Lunges- 4×10 @35lbs

So I have been trying to really focus on just the push/pull philosophy of training. Still trying to understand and know that ALL my muscle groups are being hit, without having to really do split sets. I will give it about 6 weeks total and then re-evaluate and let you know what I think. I have been getting messages asking for help. I’m honored, but I’m not 100% sure myself, so I don’t feel confident enough to help anyone else out. I just know that I have been doing my homework, reading, asking advice and trial and erroring. There are so many schools of thought out there on the *right* way to train, that you can make yourself nuts. I look in the mirror and I see gains, which makes me KNOW that I am doing something right. The only thing I am still playing with is the frequency and figuring out if I like the split routine vs the 3 a weeks. Whether I like Stronglifts or your basic bodybuilding routines.

I have pretty much thrown away the evil thoughts of being afraid to bulk, it just won’t happen. I have been lifting heavier and heavier since January and the only thing that has happened is I have nice definition in my upper body (WIN) and my lower body has become a little more compact and tight (WIN). I still have work to do, but at least SEEING the gains and progress keeps me focused. This is not a fad or a new trick if you will, this is the rest of my life. I’m 40, and In order for me to be healthy all the way around, this is part of the package. It isn’t work, because I enjoy it and I KNOW it is what is best for my body. Healthy bones, muscle and overall well-being (well-being is a state of mind that I am always working on).

I’m letting go more and more of the idea of distance running. I’m trying to focus more on the shorter distances, because A)it’s all I have time for and B) I think I’m over the distance portion of the running. I thought I could never say that out loud or even think of doing that, but the more I’m honest with myself, the more I realize that, that phase of my life is over. Now, I’m not saying that I am done racing because God knows I can still throw down in a 5k if I wanted to and I was race ready and who knows, the half is still dangling out there. HOWEVER, for right now, I’m okay with running every other day a few miles. I am thinking of adding some biking into my regimen as well. Running was so much of who I thought I was. Running is something I was in control of, and something that I thought made me happy. Running became so many more things that I did NOT like about myself.

Running was starting to make me OCD. It was feeding into a part of me that I knew was there, but it was making it worse. My running became a chore, a chore to make sure I got the miles in, a chore to try to keep up with my other running friends. It was about becoming faster, doing too much, not starting my days until I got my runs in. I was not fueling my runs properly, I was getting sick after long runs, I was beginning to fatigue during my runs (DUE TO LACK OF PROPER FUELING), I did not want to FUEL because I felt I did not need those extra calories. I also have learned that I have an eating problem. I cannot be a good endurance runner, if I’m dealing with eating issues. I have eating issues because I was/am never happy with my body image. Not eating meals or going long extended periods in a day without eating was normal for me (and something I still struggle with). People could probably look at me and not think there was an issue because, after all, I do not LOOK like someone who is starving. I screwed up my metabolism. I’m almost sure of it. My body was/is just holding on to everything in fear of starvation. I was running because It gave me control, or control that I thought I had. It no longer became because I enjoyed it. There were days that I went out and DON’T get me wrong, I loved it and it made me remember why I ran, but those runs were coming far and few anymore.

Running gave me permission to eat more (meaning I felt LESS guilt eating on the days that I ran vs the days I did not run). There I said it. I’m not proud of it, but there it is. I do believe I have running talent. That I know is true beyond a shadow of a doubt. THAT is what I set out to work with. My natural talent, then somewhere along the line I got greedy and did too much and abused my body along the way. I would like to be able to get that back someday, but I don’t know if I could, I’m getting older now and well, who knows really. Then I kept at it because I did not want to lose friends, friends that I thought were friends because they ran too and we had something in common, but I wonder sometimes that without the running, will they still be my friends? What else do we have in common?

I have such a not healthy body image. I always have. I will never be the skinny girl, BUT, I am learning that I DON’T really want to be the skinny girl. I want to be the physically fit girl. Which may mean the number on the scale going up in order to make room for the muscle that I’m building. That horrifies me as well. It’s just a number right? It does not mean you are fat or overweight, it just means your more fit and muscular. Muscle weighs more than fat. I have to keep telling myself that.

I’m having all these little emotional growth spurts in my head and they were all about due to happen anyway, because I cannot keep living the way I was. Something had/has to change. I need to really start living my life. I mean really living it. I don’t think I was/am. I think I’m just existing and floating through it. I have great kids, a great supportive husband, and the very few friends I have,I would like to think they love me. I can do this. It will just take time. I’m not emotional Picasso, but, after so many falls, I have to eventually stop falling so much right?

Love- D.

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From Mondays run

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