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222 With a Side of Rain and Drear.

Boy was I spoiled all week long with the beautiful weather! Got some garden/yard work done, spend some time sitting on the back porch and re-grounding myself a bit. I am also proud to say that I did not spend any of my days sleeping in until noon! HUGE feat in and of itself. I can do this, It’s not easy, especially when coming off of working 2-12’s in a row, but I think the quicker I get back into my normal routine the better it is. Although, today I did get up at 615, get the kids ready for school and went back to bed- BECAUSE I am working tonight. I did STILL manage to get my butt out of bed before noon!

Meal 1 at 620 was: My standard waffle with a smear of peanut butter and coffee

Meal 2 at 12oo(pre-workout) was Oatmeal, with apples, cinnamon, and fresh strawberries on top and 5 egg white with a little kick of hot sauce. Delicious. No really it was. I know most think ewww, that is your typical clean eating diet. Perhaps, but I do enjoy it from time to time. Will I eat this all the time? Of course not, I will get tired. That is when I will variete  with some protein pancakes. Now those are GOOD.

Worked out:

Deadlifts:

5×75, 5×91, 3×101

5×121, 5×141 and 5+x155 (8)

Then dropped down to 40% of my max for 5×10@75lbs

Supersetted with AB work

3×20 Reverse Crunches on the bench

2×20 crunches holding at 6lb medicine ball (really, I need a heavier one)

Then did Hip Thrusts with a 25lb plate on my hips

2×20, then 1×30- 20-30 were pulses

Supersetted with

Side Bends holding a 30lb DB- 3×15

Meal 3 (this is considered a meal because it goes towards my calories for the day)PWO- Vanilla Protein Shake with 1/2 cup water and 1/2 cup 1% milk- 1 scoop protein powder AND 2 cups of popcorn. Love the sweet and salty.

The rest of my meals will consist of chicken, some kind of starchy carb and a veggie. I will probably have a total of 8 oz of chicken between dinner and while I am at work- split in two meals. The same with the carb- but one may  consist of just the chicken and some fruit  I have a greek yogurt to look forward to as well and will probably treat myself to a caramel iced latte. All in my calories for the day.

That was my end to week 1 on Wendler. Next week you will notice that my reps drop down to just 3 for that week. It’s fine..it’s on the plan. As for tomorrow and Sunday, I will probably just do some small stuff. Pull ups, pushups and more ab work. I can also get some cardio on too. Maybe a lss and a HIIT SESSION.

 

 

 

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Days 257-251, Boy Am I a Hot Mess..

Hot messes, can be good though..yes? I’m all over the map lately, which is fine, but I probably appear to be a bit *off-balance* to those around me, and that is fine. I’m working through some stuff. I’m the only one that really matters at the end of the day. I’ll post my workouts first.

Friday- April 19th & Saturday April 20th

NADA (days 257-56)

Sunday, April 21- Day 255

Dumbell Rows- 5×5@25lbs

Bench Press- 5×5@71lbs

Hammers- 1×5 @20lbs and 2×5@25lbs

Military Presses aka overhead presses-5×5@20lbs

EZ Bar Rows-5×5@51lbs

Close Grip Press-1×7 @65 and 2×5 @65 (I don’t know what this was all about- too long ago)

Deadlifts-5×5@ 135lbs (My body weight baybay)

Monday- April 22nd – Day 254

Ran 5.0 miles

Tuesday- April 23rd- Day 253

Hammers- 5×5@25lbs

Deadlifts 3×5@141 (ROAR!!)

DB Rows- 2×5@25lbs, 2×5@30lbs (Bent over rows)

Bench Press- 5×5@75lbs

Upright Rows- 5×5 @45lbs

Walking Lunges- 4×10@35lbs

Military Presses- 5×5 @20lbs

Push-ups- 2×20 @ body weight (I HATE push ups. No, I really really do)

Wednesday- April 24th- Day 252

5.0 Mile Run

Thursday- April 25th- Day 251

Back Squats- 5×5@115lbs (I need a new weight belt, mine is too big)

Bent over EZ Bar Rows- 5×5@ 51lbs

Push ups- 2×20 (Have I mentioned I hate these? )

Overhead presses- 5×5@20lbs (Don’t do these with push ups. Just don’t)

Farmer Walk- 2×40 @35lbs

Walking Lunges- 4×10 @35lbs

So I have been trying to really focus on just the push/pull philosophy of training. Still trying to understand and know that ALL my muscle groups are being hit, without having to really do split sets. I will give it about 6 weeks total and then re-evaluate and let you know what I think. I have been getting messages asking for help. I’m honored, but I’m not 100% sure myself, so I don’t feel confident enough to help anyone else out. I just know that I have been doing my homework, reading, asking advice and trial and erroring. There are so many schools of thought out there on the *right* way to train, that you can make yourself nuts. I look in the mirror and I see gains, which makes me KNOW that I am doing something right. The only thing I am still playing with is the frequency and figuring out if I like the split routine vs the 3 a weeks. Whether I like Stronglifts or your basic bodybuilding routines.

I have pretty much thrown away the evil thoughts of being afraid to bulk, it just won’t happen. I have been lifting heavier and heavier since January and the only thing that has happened is I have nice definition in my upper body (WIN) and my lower body has become a little more compact and tight (WIN). I still have work to do, but at least SEEING the gains and progress keeps me focused. This is not a fad or a new trick if you will, this is the rest of my life. I’m 40, and In order for me to be healthy all the way around, this is part of the package. It isn’t work, because I enjoy it and I KNOW it is what is best for my body. Healthy bones, muscle and overall well-being (well-being is a state of mind that I am always working on).

I’m letting go more and more of the idea of distance running. I’m trying to focus more on the shorter distances, because A)it’s all I have time for and B) I think I’m over the distance portion of the running. I thought I could never say that out loud or even think of doing that, but the more I’m honest with myself, the more I realize that, that phase of my life is over. Now, I’m not saying that I am done racing because God knows I can still throw down in a 5k if I wanted to and I was race ready and who knows, the half is still dangling out there. HOWEVER, for right now, I’m okay with running every other day a few miles. I am thinking of adding some biking into my regimen as well. Running was so much of who I thought I was. Running is something I was in control of, and something that I thought made me happy. Running became so many more things that I did NOT like about myself.

Running was starting to make me OCD. It was feeding into a part of me that I knew was there, but it was making it worse. My running became a chore, a chore to make sure I got the miles in, a chore to try to keep up with my other running friends. It was about becoming faster, doing too much, not starting my days until I got my runs in. I was not fueling my runs properly, I was getting sick after long runs, I was beginning to fatigue during my runs (DUE TO LACK OF PROPER FUELING), I did not want to FUEL because I felt I did not need those extra calories. I also have learned that I have an eating problem. I cannot be a good endurance runner, if I’m dealing with eating issues. I have eating issues because I was/am never happy with my body image. Not eating meals or going long extended periods in a day without eating was normal for me (and something I still struggle with). People could probably look at me and not think there was an issue because, after all, I do not LOOK like someone who is starving. I screwed up my metabolism. I’m almost sure of it. My body was/is just holding on to everything in fear of starvation. I was running because It gave me control, or control that I thought I had. It no longer became because I enjoyed it. There were days that I went out and DON’T get me wrong, I loved it and it made me remember why I ran, but those runs were coming far and few anymore.

Running gave me permission to eat more (meaning I felt LESS guilt eating on the days that I ran vs the days I did not run). There I said it. I’m not proud of it, but there it is. I do believe I have running talent. That I know is true beyond a shadow of a doubt. THAT is what I set out to work with. My natural talent, then somewhere along the line I got greedy and did too much and abused my body along the way. I would like to be able to get that back someday, but I don’t know if I could, I’m getting older now and well, who knows really. Then I kept at it because I did not want to lose friends, friends that I thought were friends because they ran too and we had something in common, but I wonder sometimes that without the running, will they still be my friends? What else do we have in common?

I have such a not healthy body image. I always have. I will never be the skinny girl, BUT, I am learning that I DON’T really want to be the skinny girl. I want to be the physically fit girl. Which may mean the number on the scale going up in order to make room for the muscle that I’m building. That horrifies me as well. It’s just a number right? It does not mean you are fat or overweight, it just means your more fit and muscular. Muscle weighs more than fat. I have to keep telling myself that.

I’m having all these little emotional growth spurts in my head and they were all about due to happen anyway, because I cannot keep living the way I was. Something had/has to change. I need to really start living my life. I mean really living it. I don’t think I was/am. I think I’m just existing and floating through it. I have great kids, a great supportive husband, and the very few friends I have,I would like to think they love me. I can do this. It will just take time. I’m not emotional Picasso, but, after so many falls, I have to eventually stop falling so much right?

Love- D.

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From Mondays run

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298 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall..298 Bottles Of..err..Days..298 DAYS!

Slept so, so last night, but woke up wringing in sweat,not sure why and it certainly is not my time for the ol’ hormonal shift. Got my workout done early today, thankfully as I ended up taking a nap this afternoon.

Leg were still store this morning btw. I have a love/hate relationship with DOMS.

BB Press- 3×12@58lbs
SS/W
DB Flys- 3×12 @12lbs (I may be able to up to 15lbs and lower the reps do 10 and add another set)
Pullovers- 3×12 @20lbs
SS/W
Push-ups- 3×10 w/ bw (I just hate push-ups)

EZ Bar Curls- 4×10 @ 28lbs
SS/W
Hammer Curls- 4×10@15lbs
Bicep Curls w/ Static Holds- 4×10@15lbs (I love doing these, really hits those bicep heads nicely)
SS/W
Tricep Dips- 4×15 BW
Tricep Extensions- 3×12@12lbs

Bike Trainer- 40:00 (12.96 miles)
No run today, legs would have felt like lead on a run I think.

So, as you all know I have been doing a lot of reading on calorie intake and what not. Here is what I am finding, there are a LOT of people out there who have a very warped sense of proper eating. Such extreme measures, such crazy methods to lose weight, I can’t even wrap my brain around it. From carb restricting, to eliminating ALL grains (NOT talking about people with medical conditions that HAVE TO and that pertains to ALL of my posts), to eliminating sugar, high protein, low protein, high fat, low-fat, Paleo, Atkins, WW’s, Raw etc..etc..etc.. All of these things (some of which trust me I am GUILTY of following) seem crazy to me anymore. Especially after all of the research and reading I have been doing. We are so hooked on the amount of calories we take in, that we will go to such extreme measures to do so. We have deprived our bodies for so long, that our poor broken down metabolisms don’t know what to do anymore…like a deer in headlights. How do we stop all the madness?

When one has gone so long with restricting and restricting, how do you go back and erase and reset? I’ll tell you how, with baby steps. I, myself am in that process right now. I have never been a huge restricter, my issue has always been just not taking in enough calories. Skipping meals because I became too busy, not listening to my own hunger cues, and sometimes even going a full day with only 1 full meal in me. Top that off with running and exercise. There is really nothing at this point and in the last 4 years that I have had off-limits in terms of food. There was a time when I tried Atkins and It did not support my running lifestyle, so I stopped. I don’t feel bad if I have sweets, or carbs, or fats, I really don’t. I love food, ALL kinds of food, I just need to learn to incorporate more of it into my life and WORRY LESS about the number on the scale.

As I was lifting this morning and looking in the mirror, I see great gains, I see great muscle definition in my arms and my shoulders and like I said the other day, even in my legs. It makes me want to continue on and I won’t lie, I don’t love doing it all the time. Some days, I find myself trying to switch days around so I NOT have to work out on some nights. I’m human, but what I have decided is that I would much rather take the time and do what I need to do, so that I not only reap the benefits of being fit, but also being healthy.

311 and It’s a….

Dx of Acute Sinusitis baybeeee!! Lovely. I assumed this was just a cold, you know, who goes to the Dr. for a cold..hence my reason why I did not go in to the Dr. sooner. I don’t know what it is, but I have this issue with people who run to the Dr. for every.little.thing. So, yes..I waited. Ahem..Apparently too long. Whatever. It is now what it is and I have a script for Augmentin and a missed day of work. I don’t think it would be so bad if it were not for  my ears feeling like they want to pop out of my head, made worse by bending over. Again, whatever. I am just annoyed all around at this point.

I’m not sure what is going on with me, but my temper is short fused lately and I’m feeling generally annoyed. Women..do you know that whole feeling of, “Leave me the hell alone!” , followed by “Why the HELL Is everyone ignoring me OR NOT paying attention to me!”. Yes. Exactly. I feel all of it going on at the same time. What is that? Hormones? Getting older? Feeling stressed in general? Rushed? No time for anything? What gives people?!! I’m over it and I’m sure my family is probably over it. Yesterday already.

Another day of not working out. Again. Meh. I’ll just sit here and..and..pout? Rot? be angry? Find reasons to be angry? Stew? be sad? Frustrated? depressed? or is it blue? Are you technically depressed if you feel down? Or is it feeling blue? “Awww, someone’s got the blues today”. I mean, I’m not laying in bed all day everyday, in the dark, listening to sad music. At least not yet anyway. Heh. I guess you can say I have my peaks and valleys. Or valleys and peaks. Or mountains and pits. Call it what you will..it waxes and wanes.

I wonder if I sense a pattern here. Lately I seem more down than up. Is it because of environmental issues (as in my environment) or is it more than that? I seem to recall a Dr. asking me that question at one point through the years. Yes, I’ve been in this place before. I typically feel this way when things are not in my control.  You see, I am a very controlling person by nature. I need things in my life to be just so, or everything else goes to hell in a handbasket. No, as far as I know, I do not need to be medicated..lol heh. How do I know? Been there done that. The problem with me is that I need to learn to let things go. I need to learn to live and feel alive. I have constrained myself to this little life of having to control everything and everyone, that when they are not in my control, I sort of freeze..no moving forward and no moving back. I just get irritated and want to start taking people down with me. Not in a mean way, but in the way I behave. You know, a real Debbie Downer. I tend to bottle a lot of crap in…A Lot. I mean, who wants to hear it really? The same crap, different day.  Someday even with my writing, I reread what I have written and I feel so contrite. Almost embarrassed. I don’t take it down or delete it, because this is the one place where I have to be honest with myself. Even if it means writing crap that I feel, but will be horrified at it later on. It’s my way of seeing things in black and white instead of floating in my head, where I try to ignore a lot of things.

I’m pretty hot tempered, always have been, I’m not sure if I’m hot tempered because I get angry because I have lost control, or I get angry because I cannot change something, or if it is anger that has manifested itself from frustration. Make sense? I’m the type of person that get’s angry to the point that I cry. Or I get angry first THEN I cry. Either way, there will always be tears involved if I’m angry enough. What I also can tell you is that I have always tipped the emotional scale one way or the other. I’m also the person who cries at commercials, I cry when someone else is crying, I cry when someone I care about feels badly, I cry when I’m really happy and I cry if a song moves me. Yea..see? I’m probably a whack job by all definitions. 😉 Not really.  I hope.

I have 3 children, as I  think you all know by know. I also have 3 children who are VERY strong willed in one way or the other. I used to get so mad when my mother would say “Ohh, boy..they are going to be JUST LIKE YOU”. Of course I would first think “What the hell do you know ABOUT ME?” I mean, considering she never partook in any of my caregiving while growing up NOR did she ever stay in my life for ANY period of time. So, yea..”What the HELL DO YOU KNOW anyway?!” Apparently enough to know that yes, my kids are growing up with my attitude and my temperament. Some days I think “Oh lovely, they are just like me” and other days it’s more like “SHIT!! These kids are NUTS! just like ME!”

BUT, what I will say, as much as my kids are hard headed, stubborn, have short tempers and are difficult at best sometimes..they ALWAYS, ALWAYS come to us to talk about their problems. They tell us/me everything and when they are in trouble or having trouble, they come to us. They love to give hugs and be loved and they still love to be around us. Mostly. We did something right at least..right? Sometimes I admit, I worry about my oldest the most. He is 15…I wonder if I’ve done my very best getting him ready to be an adult.  I wonder if I have given him enough, I wonder if we have given him enough.  Let me share something. He went away for a couple days with his wrestling team these last couple days. I was leary and unsure, but we decided he deserved the chance to go. We told him he was on his own to make the right choices and to prove that he could be trusted without our constant checking in on him.

I could not have been more proud of him. The one thing that really stood out is a conversation that went like this. Now, unforuntately, the story is a very tragic story, but I will leave names out.

This is via text while he was driving to his destination.

“So and So just died”

Me- “What??!! OMG!!! ”

“Heroin overdose”

Me- “OMG!! These damn kids!!”

“I know they always make the wrong choices”

Me- “I’m so proud of you for making the RIGHT choices”

“Thanks mom, I love you”

Me-“I love you too”

-End

Unfortunately, we lost a teen this weekend. I knew this teen, I spoke to this teen several times. He just graduated. His whole life ahead of him. Moments like that make me scared to death to be a parent. BUT, moments like the short conversation I had with my son, makes me PROUD to be a parent. So again..I hope to God, I am doing a good job. I make mistakes, I say things I should not say, I behave irrationally at times and I do yell a lot. I’m NOT perfect. I just hope that I do right more than I do wrong by my kids and by my husband who also gets the brunt of a LOT of my crap.

Much love to you all..

The irrational, crazy, controlling, emotionally challenged.. Me.

Fooducate!!

Have you ever heard of this? Tres’ cool! It is like having your very own nutritionist in your back pocket! BTW..the app is free!

From the website:

“Fooducate is not funded by the food, drug, diet or supplement industries. Nor does Fooducate sell, peddle, distribute or otherwise offer magic pills, secret celebrity diets, and/or exotic supplements.”

There is also a Gluten Free App as well as a Diabetic App.

Here is the website! Go! Look! See!

http://www.fooducate.com

I found this from a fellow blogger called http://www.healthadvocation.wordpress.com

Victorious

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