Blog Archives

Days 198 and 197..

Yesterday was a rest day, I worked and did not drag my butt out of bed until almost 4pm! Then of course, we had a softball game to attend, so I had to hustle hustle! Tried to get to bed at a reasonable time, but lately it’s never before midnight, and this morning I had to get up to take the kid to the gym for 9am.

Today: Day 197

Ran 3.5 miles- more like slog, but I got out there and got it done.

Main Lift: Squat

Warm-up- 5×65, 5×85, 3×101

Actual- 5×110, 5×125, 5+x141 (8) I probably could have eaked out 1 or 2 more, but Wendler is pretty consistent with saying don’t take It to failure. So I take it to where I’m definitely tired, but if I had a gun to my head, I could do 1 or 2 more. HA!

Then:

5×10@85lbs

Lying Leg Curls- 3×10@45lbs

Standing Military Presses-3×8@20 (Dumbells)

Plie’ Squats-3×10@30lbs

I was beat. My legs were like WTF lady!! I will try walking lunges again on my deadlift day in a few days.

I’m tired and I’m beat. I really am. Tomorrow will be another off day, I *think*… it will only be Wednesday and I only have two more lifting days to get in this week. I can spread them out. Maybe I will walk, definitely no run. I think I will try, TRY to get back 3 running days into my schedule, 2 will be before my leg workouts and one more will be sprinkled in somewhere. Why run on a leg day? Well, because it will maximize my leg day, and It won’t over tax them. Say I chose to do my runs on NON leg days, it would be like my legs are getting NO rest at all. Upper, Run, Legs, Run, Upper, Run, Legs, Run. I’m going at it 7 days a week at that rate. I need at least 2 complete rest days in there with NOTHING going on. I asked around as well, and that seemed to be the consensus. Well, the consensus was actually that I did not NEED to do cardio at all, or if I wanted to, do very little and make it HIIT, so I lose no muscle mass. I think it’s safe to say that I’m the kind of gal that needs a little cardio in her life.

 

So this is the problem I run into. I lose all my weight up top FIRST..then it comes off the bottom. NO, I’m not holding this in! How do I washboard this? Crunches. I HATE crunches. YUCK. Why can’t crunches and ab work be fun?!

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Days 222-206. I’m still here!

I have just been busy with summer sports, work and getting my yard beautified! It seems like this 2 days a week work thing is really working and jiving with me and my family. Yes! It only took almost 2 years to figure it all out, but thankfully, it’s working itself out. I am very grateful that I have a place of employment that has worked with me and a family that has been so supportive through this big transition.

We are heading into the summer gym schedule (yea!) and we are into baseball and softball season. Sierra has amazed us with her softball skilz! She is a beast out there! Who knew?? For a little thing, she is a monster! We continue to struggle with Legion Ball politics and playing time for our eldest, and we sit on the fence on whether to pull him out or not. I won’t get into that here, since I don’t want to offend anyone. As much as I’d like to and as big of an opinion that I have, it’s shocking I know, but I will refrain on this one topic!

As for me, I’m still plugging along with my weight training and just completed week 4 of Wendler, since coming back from my Oral Surgery. I love the program and have seen gains! This week is my de-load week and then I start up Cycle 2. I’m dealing with a terrible chest cold, but have managed to finish up this weeks workout. I don’t feel like putting in the last 4 weeks of workouts, so I won’t! What I have done is the main lifts for that day and then did 5×10 of the same lift at about 50%, added in a couple assistives and called it a day. I slowly started adding cardio back in and did my first speed session on Thursday. Gabriel and I did 10×100 meter sprints (with a mile warm up and mile cool down). That was tough, especially since I have not done speed in a good few months, probably more. However, it felt good to turn the legs over and see I still have my speed for the most part. I’m not concerned with the mileage at all this go round. I have found that I am much happier in that regard.

I am evolving into this person, that I actually like. I have left some old friendships by the wayside, and have made some news ones and appreciate the old ones even more! I cannot thank them enough for all they have given me in this last 1.5 years. I am more confident in who I am, loving the direction I am taking in life by becoming a Personal Trainer (yes! This makes me feel all giddy to say it!), so many people have encouraged me to do so, and even though it has always been a deep dark secret of mine, it’s finally good to say it out loud and to know that people have felt the same way as I have. I love talking about fitness and I love helping people. Once that is done, I will get my Fitness Nutrition Certification. As for Nursing? It’s still in there, but I’m not sure it gives me the same thrill as Personal Training does when I think of it.  I need to do something that will give me a feeling of accomplishment, of being able to help people, of getting my message out. I have spent far too long hiding under the radar, being afraid to speak of what I know, acting like I am less than I am when around certain people. I know this stuff! I know A LOT about Fitness. I have a lot to learn, but I have a good base. I am always  reading and learning and asking. I look at myself in the mirror and know that what I see, I have done myself. I would love to be able to help others in that same way.

I don’t look like a fitness model or a physique model, but, I don’t look half bad for doing it on my own. I also know that I have not done the whole 9 yards, and if I did, I’m sure I would look even better than I do. Right now, I am taking small steps, because I feel that taking small steps help make the most lasting impressions on your body. I want to be able to get the message out that lifting is good and it is nothing to be afraid of. I want people to know how important and fantastic exercise can be! I want to teach them how to do it right and how to learn to love it. I’ve been doing this now for over 100 days! I’ve stuck by it and have remained committed to it. It has not been easy and I have had some down days, but I keep getting up and getting back to it. I’m no goody two shoes, or do I constantly preach to burn people out, I just sit quietly in the background waiting to help if needed.

I know I said I was not going to post all of the last xx amount of days workouts, but, I will just post  yesterdays. This week is my deload week, like I said.

Day 206 (June 9th)

Main lift is the deadlift

Deadlift (warm up)5×75, 5×91 and 3×111

Actual-5×141, 3×155, and 1+x175 (I did 5) (Last week was 5+) it may be hard to understand this since you are not seeing the previous weeks workout. IF you want to know about it, just look up Wendler’s 5/3/1 and I’m doing the BBB version of it.

Then:

5 x 10 @91 lbs (which is my 50%)

Supersetted with:

Hip Thrusts (alternating single leg and normal) 5×25@30lbs

Ended with 3×10 @ 35lbs of walking lunges.

Yes, I’m still struggling with the eating. I’m getting much better though. I have learned that to build muscle you have to FEED yourself. You CANNOT gain muscle in a deficit. So the theory of cutting calories AND building muscle is not a good one. Pick one, and then go to the other. This is where bulking and cutting come into play. I will do a very  modified version of both at some junction. Which, I will share with you down the road. For now, I’m just focusing on this. I have NOT gained massive amounts of weight by cutting back my cardio either! I have pretty much maintained, with a small gain of lean muscle. I’m ok with that. I track my measurements and scale weight together. We all know the scale is NOT a good indicator of much of anything. It can help you gauge, but anything more than that, don’t go by it’s word alone. I have found that my weight can fluctuate by as much as *GASP* 8 lbs!! Yes, I said that. 8 LBS!! My body loves to hold on to water, especially now with weight training. The key is to drink more, but I have a love hate relationship with water.

I guess I have blabbed enough for now. Talk soon!

 

 

 

244-223! Has it been almost a month already! Oral Surgery etc..

I can’t believe it’s been so long. Well, I mean, I can, but good gosh. I have lots to catch up on!

Thursday- May 2nd (Day 244)

Ran 4miles

Friday- May 3 (Day 243)

Ran 5miles

Saturday- May 4th (Day 242)

Nothing

Sunday- May 5 (Day 241)

Bench Press (First 3 are warm-up sets)

5×41, 5×47, 3×55 (all are lbs)

-5×61, 5×71 and 14@81lbs

Also remember I am doing Wendler’s Plan. These rep weights are based on a % of my 1 max rep.

Squat– (First 3 are Warm up sets)

5×65, 5×81, 3×95

5×101, 5×121 and 12×135 (I was told I counted wrong here..whatevs..)

Assistives:

EZ Bar Bent Over Rows: 3×12@ 51lbs

Hammers: 3×12@20lbs

Lying Leg Curls: 3×10@50lbs

Monday- May 6th (240)

Wendler Week 2

Press-

5×21, 5×26 and 3×31

3×40, 3×45, 13×50

On Wendler that last set is usually to fatigue  and the rep number depends on what week you are on, just to clear up any confusion.

Assitives:

Shrugs- 3×15@30lbs

Tricep Dips-3×10 BW

Side Bends (obliques) 3×20@ 30lbs

5×20 crunches (damn I hate ab work, BUT I need to REALLY focus on getting this in)

Tuesday- May 7th (Day 239)

Deadlift:

5×71, 5×91, 3×111

3×131, 3×151,8×167 (last set to failure)

Assistives:

Bent Over DB Rows-3×12@ 30lbs

Walking Lunges- 4×10@35lbs

Modified Farmers Walk- 100@35lbs (I count each step as 1)

Wednesday- May 8th (Day 238)

ORAL SURGERY DAY (this consumed days 237-227)

This was miserable and I was miserable. Ain’t no lie.. Suck a mundo..

I knew going in I would have a long recovery and it would not be fun..however, I did not realize how painful it all would be. I also knew going in that I would not be able to work out for up to 10 days. I had to mentally be ok with that. Honestly, considering the pain I was in, I was MENTALLY ok with that. There was no way I could lift heavy at that point!

So from Wednesday May 8-Sunday May 19th. I did nothing but recover. 12 days. It was hard, BUT, I  was not eating nearly enough to even support my daily functions. I got sick and tired of protein shakes and yogurt, and quite honestly, it was easier to NOT eat than it was to eat. Shh, don’t tell anyone, that is really NOT the way to go, but I did and I lost almost 10lbs because of it. YES, YES, YES a lot of it was water, blah blah blah..BUT I also lost some inches. NOT water.

During that time, I found out that I will not be going to the same Unit that my team members from work are going to. HUGE blow to me, which I took extremely hard. Lots of tears were shed and lots of anger stewing in my brain. I will miss my girls terribly and I have to believe that the new transition will be a good one. Thankfully, I had lots of support to help talk me through it. So thankful for my childhood bff. She was my sounding board. The new Unit I will be going to, will certainly be different and honestly, I don’t know how it will all pan out. One day at a time. Next week will be my first week. Wish me luck.

Now, back to it!

Monday- May 20th (Day 226)

I had to do a Re-Start. It was only fair to my body.

Week 1

Press:

5@21lbs, 5@27lbs, and 3@31 lbs

5×35, 5×41, and 5+ x 45lbs (12)

Assitives:

Hammers- 3×8 @20lbs

Bent Over EZ Bar Rows- 3×10@56lbs

Shrugs- 3×15@30lbs

Tricep Dips- 3×15 BW

Tuesday- May 21 (Day 225)

Squat:

5×65, 5×81, 5×91 (I was SUPPOSED to only do 3- apparently I cannot follow directions..and I can’t count)

5×101, 5×121, and 5+ 135 (I did 7) I was REALLY tired today. Can I mention it was 8 hours since I ate last? Can I also mention how stupid I am? Lesson 5 gazillion and ONE not learned yet. Eventually.

Lying Leg Curls: 3×10@50lbs

Modified Farmers: 100@35lbs

Walking Lunges: 3×10 @35lbs

Whew, glad this was over. I was beat. My legs are squash.

Wednesday- May 22nd (Day 224)

No workout planned. However, I figured out that I can do pull-ups on a door. Win. So, okay, don’t laugh. I only did 4×2 of those. Man those are hard to do. A new addition to my Assistives. Love it. I also did 30 push-ups and some ab work. Have I mentioned I hate the ab work? A necessary evil, I’m afraid.

OMG, my legs are SORE. Sitting on the toilet is a real treat.

Thursday- May 23rd (Day 223)

Bench:

5×41, 5×45 and 3×55

5×65 (yea, umm, this should have been 60. I had a real problem with freaking counting today), 5×71 and 5+ x 80. You know how much I did like an idiot (oh and because I can’t count obviously) I did 6×91. I was like..WTF? Why can I only do 6 of these. Well, you idiot, it’s because you did 10lbs more than you should have.  Whatevs..

So I tried something different today and followed a Wendler tip from his book.

More Benches at 40% of my  max- 5×10 @ 40lbs (I actually enjoyed this thoroughly)

Supersetted with:

DB Rows- 5×10 @ 25lbs

EZ Bar Curls- 5×10 @25lbs

Supersetted with:

Tricep Dips- 5×10 (BW of course, at some point I will have to weight these)

Damn, that was a lot to catch up on. Oiy.

So, all in all, I am doing ok. I am moving more towards wanting to build more muscle and lean out more. NO, I am not doing the whole bulk and cut game. I don’t have the personality for that and honestly, I don’t need something else to obsess over in my life. I will probably do a VERY modified version of it all. I am learning so much about it all, and I find that I really enjoy it. So much so, that I may pursue my Personal Training Certification.

I have also signed up for Nutrition Coaching from a very reputable source, However, the wait list is MONTHS long. So, that gives me the chance to save up the money and a chance to continue to learn and absorb all that I can from the site and my own research. I tell you, there really is a lot to learn. I don’t find it work so much, as I do interesting to read. It really captivates me. I have so many issues with food and eating, that I really need someone to steer me in the right direction. I need a good template. I can certainly do one on my own, but I’m constantly second guessing myself, and some of it is confusing. Especially when it comes to getting the right mix of carbs and proteins for muscle growth. WHAT I also learned is that in order to build muscle I have to eat at a surplus. OMG. That will be a tough one, hence the reason I said I would do all that very modified. This all has to be something that I can do for the rest of my life. I also won’t deprive myself. Trying to find that balance for ME is the hardest part of it all.

Today I ate:

Upon waking: 1 waffle with a T of peanut butter and coffee

4hours later: 4 Egg Whites, Oatmeal with cinnamon and strawberries. YES, together in the same bowl. It was good. Indeed.

Workout

PWO- Protein shake with 1/2 water and 1/2 1% skim. 2 cups of popcorn. Perfect mix of carbs and protein. (Don’t want a lot of fat in that post workout)

Portioned out Hamburger Helper with steak fries. YES I SAID PORTIONED OUT. Otherwise this would have blown my calories and macros. Again, I can’t deprive myself right now. It’s within my calories and macros.

I still have planned:

Grilled chicken breast

Some strawberries

Greek Yogurt and YES WINE. (portioned out wine 🙂 5 oz to be exact)

All of this on plan. What I do need to up is my protein. Trial and error.

Whew..that’s enough for tonight! I have chicken waiting for me!

I should be back to blogging more regular.

Oh and next week I add my running back in. Scaled back mileage for awhile. I’m not sure how much exactly yet. Less than 20 I think. With a speed session thrown in once a week. Work in progress people..

 

 

 

 

Woke up in a panic..

Ugh. Why do I have to make this so difficult? I don’t know why I allow myself to struggle so much with my body image. Yesterday I was happy, yes. It was not long after before all the self doubt began to creep into my head, like, “What are you doing? Why would you want to weight train an already big body? Why would you run the risk of growing and having the scale go up as well as your clothing size to fit your legs?”

I don’t truly know where the happy medium is. Everything inside me screams to go back to the higher mileage running, burn those calories, but the reality is that slow sustained cardio is not the answer. It may have worked the first year, but it slowed way down. Then I think, what was I doing when I weighed 125. Ahhh, I was running higher mileage and NOT eating due to stress and job challenges with my husband. Of course.. But I think that is where I probably started damaging my metabolism. I think I lived on and off that way for about a year. Don’t get me wrong, running is good! I have learned that running for so long, eventually stops working or slows down the weight loss tremendously after a period of time. I know in my head that weight training, combined with SOME cardio is MUCH better. I have this little whisper that keeps saying, you can get back to 125 if you cut your calories way back down and run longer again. No. I have to keep forging forward, continue on the path that I am, to prove to myself that I’m doing the right thing.

It’s probably safe to say that unless you have struggled with this, you could never truly appreciate what goes on inside our train of thinking. I can look at a picture of myself, and be happy, but as soon as you associate a number with it such as weight or body fat %, all of that goes out the window. I realize I AM truly a prisoner to the number. I need to not be.

This journey has made me realize that I need to learn how to have a healthy relationship with my body. Baby steps. I think yes. So bear with me while I work through some of this crap.

Day Numero 245- BOOM!

So, today was a big day for me (well, probably not really, but it kind of was). I finally got up the gumption to go to the gym to have someone help me figure out my 1 max rep. We have a gym up the road from me, not your typical boxed variety, but an old warehouse, converted into a gym, very old school style, just the way I like/prefer it. None of this Cybex stuff, that does the work for you. Old School, weights/dumbells, bars etc..(as a matter of fact there is a big ol’ tractor tire laying in one of the corners as well for one to roll around- RAWWRRR!)There is a treadmill and maybe one other cardio machine there, but that is it. I love it. Anyway, the guy that runs the place trains the college athletes, think football/lacrosse/basketball/girls softball/runners/wrestlers etc..etc..

I called him yesterday and told him what I wanted and in comes Kayla. On the phone when she left her message, I was not sure what to make of her, she sounded a little *tough* on the phone..we ended up deciding that I would see her after I woke up this afternoon. I have to tell you that I almost cancelled, and having the supportive guy that I do, he urged me to just go. SOOO, glad I did. As most of you know I decided to try Wendler 5/3/1 and in order to do this , I needed a starting point, which meant figuring my 1 rep max. I took a guess, based on what I thought was the heaviest I could go at home. Going to someone would ensure I could not sugar coat or fake any numbers that I got.

I walked in and felt a little self-conscious (as again, I’ve been feeling less than stellar about my body image). Kayla was waiting for me and can I just say that I was intimidated. NOW, don’t get me wrong, if I were to have a woman train me, it would be someone who looked like her. She was tall (much taller than myself) and she looked tough. Along with her credentials she was young, going for her crossfit cert, as well as the assistant basketball coach for the girls basketball team at the University. She also is the strength coach for the football team. RAAWWRRR! She looks like your typical softball/rugby player type build/person. VERY knowledgable and YOUNG, which translates into- having NEW ideas, the FRESHEST training ideas out there right now and is very thorough and careful in her training tips.  She basically asked me what my goals were, warmed me up PROPERLY and then away we went. It lasted about an hour and I felt well cared for.

My 1 rep max for the Overhead Press is: 60lbs (failed at 65)

Bench Press- 105lbs (failed at 110)

Squat-175lbs

Deadlift-205lbs here comes the BOOM! Holy crap! I had NO idea I was that strong!! She corrected my form, showed me the proper way to deadlift and I could immediately feel the difference.

So I finally have a starting point. I was so happy to hear her tell me how impressed she was with how far I have come thus far on MY OWN with no assistance (trainer). How could I not smile at that? She offered to train WITH me if I wanted. How cool is that? However, I need her to TRAIN ME. I don’t need a full on trainer, but I think I might train with her on leg day, just because legs are my biggest demons/fear. I can handle my upper body with my husband spotting me at home. She even asked if I wanted her to come to my home or keep it at the gym. Anyway, that was that, and I am glad that I got up the courage to get it done.

I still have ways to go, but at least I know that I have been doing something. right. RIGHT?!

Someone on my fb page asked me how come so heavy? Says they go light weights/more reps. NO, NO , NO. I can’t say too much, since I still have this deep-rooted fear of getting huge, but I know that it’s just not possible or easy to get that way. I have had enough friends drill it into my head and have seen first hand that I am NOT getting huge and bulky. I don’t want people to assume I’m going to look like a huge Crossfit chick, because that is NOT my intention. Not even close. I just want to be more compact and muscular. A small brick house if you will..lol I cannot have it consume my life, I just want to mesh with everything else. It’s all a balance.

I came home, ate dinner and finished my workout.

Today was day 2 of  Wendler-

May1st, Day 245

Deadlift- Warm-ups

5@ 75lbs, 5 @90lbs, and 3@105lbs

Actual workout-

5@121 lbs

5@ 141lbs

5+@ 151 lbs (did 10@151 lbs)

Assistives:

Walking lunges- 2×20@ 35lbs, 3×10@35lbs

DB Side bends- 5×20@ 30lbs

5×20 of various crunches

Done.

 

Tomorrow morning we leave for the beach! I will pack my running clothing and look forward to getting in a few miles here and there on the beach/boardwalk. Let’s hope there is nice weather! Good Luck Kutztown Twirlers!!!

Hey! Have you tried Noosa brand yoghurt? OMG!! Get thee to the store and try!! Fantastic.

 

Days 250-248

Friday April 26th- Day 250

Rest Day (Worked from 3pm-3am anyway)

Saturday April 27th- Day 249

Ran 5.0 miles

Slept until 11ish, woke up got Sierra ready for her Chapter Championships, RAN, came home, showered and off to Jersey for Logan’s Region 7, competition. He was one of the top 3 in the State (Age group/level) to make the PA State All Star Team! Last competition of the season!

Which he did well in considering there was PA, NJ, DE, VA, WV, MA and NY representing with their best of the best. 4th for Vault, which was a shock since that was our weakness all year long- AND he got a heel contusion a week out.  9th on Pbars and 10th on Floor. IN THE REGION! So, I can’t complain and he was tickled. We also won 1st place as a team! Woot! The boys each got a nice gold medal and a big canvas sign.

Sunday April 28th- Day 248

Ran 5.0 miles (which I’m shocked I did, but it was a nice day and I felt  good)

So this is where you will shake your head at me. I’m thinking of doing Wendlers 5/3/1 program.  I bought his e-book and have been reading it. The only part I don’t like is the math. Since, I’m math illiterate, it may take me a while to get the hang of it. Today I tried to figure out my 1rm on the overhead press and I probably messed it up, I did it wrong as well as missing my warm up sets. I will start again tomorrow, so my workout is a little weird today. Pay no mind to it.

Overhead Press- 5@30lbs, 5@40lbs, 6@50lbs  (I should have had 3 warm up sets in here at lower %’s) AGAIN, still figuring the %’s out.

Shrugs- 3×15 @30lbs

DB Rows- 3×12@30lbs

Tri Dips-5×10 with my body weight

The last 3 were assistive exercises. The big lifts are the core of the workout. I will be doing 3/4 days with the big lifts being overhead press, benchpress, deadlift, and squat (all have their assistive on those days as well). I’m sure you will see some not hot looking workouts until I figure it out. This is  NOT a ripped in 30 days program, it  progresses with a deloading week at the end of each cycle.

If your interested, just look up Wendler 5/3/1. It’s more of a powerlifting program vs a bodybuilding program BUT, you can variate it to your liking, as long as you keep the basic premise. I, personally am not so much into powerlifting, but I like the fact that it is geared towards long-term gains vs short-term quick fixes. It will keep my interest longer I think.

Off to work tonight Different hours the last couple days, all in the name of the kid and their sports.

 

http://www.jimwendler.com/

http://www.muscleandstrength.com/workouts/hardcore-look-at-jim-wendlers-5-3-1-powerlifting-system.html

http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/sports_body_training_performance/how_to_build_pure_strength

 

Days 257-251, Boy Am I a Hot Mess..

Hot messes, can be good though..yes? I’m all over the map lately, which is fine, but I probably appear to be a bit *off-balance* to those around me, and that is fine. I’m working through some stuff. I’m the only one that really matters at the end of the day. I’ll post my workouts first.

Friday- April 19th & Saturday April 20th

NADA (days 257-56)

Sunday, April 21- Day 255

Dumbell Rows- 5×5@25lbs

Bench Press- 5×5@71lbs

Hammers- 1×5 @20lbs and 2×5@25lbs

Military Presses aka overhead presses-5×5@20lbs

EZ Bar Rows-5×5@51lbs

Close Grip Press-1×7 @65 and 2×5 @65 (I don’t know what this was all about- too long ago)

Deadlifts-5×5@ 135lbs (My body weight baybay)

Monday- April 22nd – Day 254

Ran 5.0 miles

Tuesday- April 23rd- Day 253

Hammers- 5×5@25lbs

Deadlifts 3×5@141 (ROAR!!)

DB Rows- 2×5@25lbs, 2×5@30lbs (Bent over rows)

Bench Press- 5×5@75lbs

Upright Rows- 5×5 @45lbs

Walking Lunges- 4×10@35lbs

Military Presses- 5×5 @20lbs

Push-ups- 2×20 @ body weight (I HATE push ups. No, I really really do)

Wednesday- April 24th- Day 252

5.0 Mile Run

Thursday- April 25th- Day 251

Back Squats- 5×5@115lbs (I need a new weight belt, mine is too big)

Bent over EZ Bar Rows- 5×5@ 51lbs

Push ups- 2×20 (Have I mentioned I hate these? )

Overhead presses- 5×5@20lbs (Don’t do these with push ups. Just don’t)

Farmer Walk- 2×40 @35lbs

Walking Lunges- 4×10 @35lbs

So I have been trying to really focus on just the push/pull philosophy of training. Still trying to understand and know that ALL my muscle groups are being hit, without having to really do split sets. I will give it about 6 weeks total and then re-evaluate and let you know what I think. I have been getting messages asking for help. I’m honored, but I’m not 100% sure myself, so I don’t feel confident enough to help anyone else out. I just know that I have been doing my homework, reading, asking advice and trial and erroring. There are so many schools of thought out there on the *right* way to train, that you can make yourself nuts. I look in the mirror and I see gains, which makes me KNOW that I am doing something right. The only thing I am still playing with is the frequency and figuring out if I like the split routine vs the 3 a weeks. Whether I like Stronglifts or your basic bodybuilding routines.

I have pretty much thrown away the evil thoughts of being afraid to bulk, it just won’t happen. I have been lifting heavier and heavier since January and the only thing that has happened is I have nice definition in my upper body (WIN) and my lower body has become a little more compact and tight (WIN). I still have work to do, but at least SEEING the gains and progress keeps me focused. This is not a fad or a new trick if you will, this is the rest of my life. I’m 40, and In order for me to be healthy all the way around, this is part of the package. It isn’t work, because I enjoy it and I KNOW it is what is best for my body. Healthy bones, muscle and overall well-being (well-being is a state of mind that I am always working on).

I’m letting go more and more of the idea of distance running. I’m trying to focus more on the shorter distances, because A)it’s all I have time for and B) I think I’m over the distance portion of the running. I thought I could never say that out loud or even think of doing that, but the more I’m honest with myself, the more I realize that, that phase of my life is over. Now, I’m not saying that I am done racing because God knows I can still throw down in a 5k if I wanted to and I was race ready and who knows, the half is still dangling out there. HOWEVER, for right now, I’m okay with running every other day a few miles. I am thinking of adding some biking into my regimen as well. Running was so much of who I thought I was. Running is something I was in control of, and something that I thought made me happy. Running became so many more things that I did NOT like about myself.

Running was starting to make me OCD. It was feeding into a part of me that I knew was there, but it was making it worse. My running became a chore, a chore to make sure I got the miles in, a chore to try to keep up with my other running friends. It was about becoming faster, doing too much, not starting my days until I got my runs in. I was not fueling my runs properly, I was getting sick after long runs, I was beginning to fatigue during my runs (DUE TO LACK OF PROPER FUELING), I did not want to FUEL because I felt I did not need those extra calories. I also have learned that I have an eating problem. I cannot be a good endurance runner, if I’m dealing with eating issues. I have eating issues because I was/am never happy with my body image. Not eating meals or going long extended periods in a day without eating was normal for me (and something I still struggle with). People could probably look at me and not think there was an issue because, after all, I do not LOOK like someone who is starving. I screwed up my metabolism. I’m almost sure of it. My body was/is just holding on to everything in fear of starvation. I was running because It gave me control, or control that I thought I had. It no longer became because I enjoyed it. There were days that I went out and DON’T get me wrong, I loved it and it made me remember why I ran, but those runs were coming far and few anymore.

Running gave me permission to eat more (meaning I felt LESS guilt eating on the days that I ran vs the days I did not run). There I said it. I’m not proud of it, but there it is. I do believe I have running talent. That I know is true beyond a shadow of a doubt. THAT is what I set out to work with. My natural talent, then somewhere along the line I got greedy and did too much and abused my body along the way. I would like to be able to get that back someday, but I don’t know if I could, I’m getting older now and well, who knows really. Then I kept at it because I did not want to lose friends, friends that I thought were friends because they ran too and we had something in common, but I wonder sometimes that without the running, will they still be my friends? What else do we have in common?

I have such a not healthy body image. I always have. I will never be the skinny girl, BUT, I am learning that I DON’T really want to be the skinny girl. I want to be the physically fit girl. Which may mean the number on the scale going up in order to make room for the muscle that I’m building. That horrifies me as well. It’s just a number right? It does not mean you are fat or overweight, it just means your more fit and muscular. Muscle weighs more than fat. I have to keep telling myself that.

I’m having all these little emotional growth spurts in my head and they were all about due to happen anyway, because I cannot keep living the way I was. Something had/has to change. I need to really start living my life. I mean really living it. I don’t think I was/am. I think I’m just existing and floating through it. I have great kids, a great supportive husband, and the very few friends I have,I would like to think they love me. I can do this. It will just take time. I’m not emotional Picasso, but, after so many falls, I have to eventually stop falling so much right?

Love- D.

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From Mondays run

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263..

Woke up early, but drifted In and out until 11. Drug myself out of bed after the banging in the backyard would not stop, thanks to the oldest.

Got in 5 miles, it could have been either 10 degrees warmer with the wind or 5 degrees warmer sans the wind. I always forget how much I hate running in the gusts. Until a gusty day is upon me. I’m at the point in the month with my hormonal shifts that not only do my moods suck, but my runs do as well. I hate these times. Sluggish, grumpy, pissy and mean. No weights today. Tomorrow I’m shifting to 3 days a week vs my split routine I’ve been doing.

Long day, ups and downs and I’m over it all. Night yo’

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274-265-YES! I’m a Blogging Slacker!!

I’ve been busy, not feeling like blogging, life getting in the way, blah blah blah..here I am though! I do think everday though that I need to blog and then I’m laying in bed all comfy with my wine and NOT feeling the love. Before I know it, days and days have gone by!

April 2nd Day 274

3.0mile walk (inclined at 1%, 2% and 3%)

Hammer Curls- 5×5@ 25lbs

EZ Bar Rows- 5×5@35lbs

Preacher Curls- 5×5@55lbs

April 3rd Day 273 (The hubby worked out with me!)

5.o mile (NO he did not RUN!)

45Degree EZ bar Row-3×0@45lbs

Bent Over DB Row-1×10@20lbs, then 2×0@25lbs

One Are DB Rows-3×10@25lbs

Tricep Extensions- 3×8@15lbs

Tricep Dips-3×15@ BW

Close Grip Presses-3×8@55lbs

April 4 Day 272

5.0 mile run

Deadlift-3×10@70lbs

Back Squats-3×10@70lbs

Plie Squats- 4×0@35lbs

Single Legged squats-x10@bw

DB Front Squat-3×10@20lbs

Donkey Squats-3×15@BW

April 5 Day 271

Nothing done on this day!

April 6 Day 270

4.0 Mile Run

No weights today again

April 7 Day 269

5.0 Mile run

Again No weights- I’m not sure what the hell was going on here? 3 Days in a row?

April 8 Day 268

No Cardio

Upright Rows- 3×10@45lbs

Front Raises-3×10@15lbs

DB Lateral Raises-5×5@15lbs

Bent Over lat raises-3×8@10lbs

Military Presses-5×5@15lbs

Hammer Curls- 3×10@20lbs

EZ bar rows-3×8@35lbs

Conc Curls with Static holds-3@15lbs (10, 8, 5)

April 9 Day 267

5.0 Mile Run

Tricep Ext 3×12@15lbs

Tricep Dips-3×20 BW (13, 15)

Overhead tricep dips- 3×5@20lbs

Push Ups- 3×15 BW (15, 15, 10)

Bench Press- 5×5 @65lbs

Flys-3×5@20lbs

April 10 Day 266

No Cardio

Deadlifts-3×10@70lbs

Back Squats- 3×10@70lbs

Single Leg Squat-BW- 3×10

Walking Lunges- 4×20@25lbs

Donkeys-3×15 BW

Plie’ Squats-3×12 35lbs

April 11 Day 265

4.0 mile run

EZ Bar Row- 3×12@35lbs

Single Arm DB Rows- 3×8 @30lbs

Only had time for 2 exercises.

Will post some pictures and rambling a little later.

Days 278-275! Where Is The Time Going!?

and why am I not figuring out this eating thing. Dammit, it is making me angry. It’s not the figuring out part, it’s the actual eating part, and consistently at that. I seem to be all over with my calories on a day-to-day basis. I rarely get to where I should be. I would say maybe 3 out of 7 days I’m at or slightly above where I should be and the rest of the time I’m way under, like 5-6oo calories under. I seem to struggle the most during the day time, when I’m just not hungry and or busy to stop and eat. I find that I am having a harder time with my weight workout days in the last few sessions. Just feeling fatigued and having a hard time lifting weights, that I had no problem doing the week before. I’m getting them done, but definitely notice a difference. I have got to figure this out. I think somewhere in my brain, I still have this fear of getting heavy/bulky..EVEN THOUGH I KNOW, that is NOT the case. Ugh.

Friday- Day 278- 3/29/13

I did NOTHING. I was too tired from working/sleeping. Not a great day of sleep. Kids were home and I heard them on and off. Bleh.

Saturday- Day 277- 3/30/13

Walked 3.0 miles on the treadmill. (big freaking whoop)

Day 276-3/31/13

Walked 4.0 miles on the treadmill (again, I’m having a hard time being consistent with my running- I have faith that it will come back to me, It’s just frustrating for me right now)

Push-ups- 3×15 (body weight)

Bench Press- 5×5@65lbs

Flies-5×5@20lbs

The hubs worked out alongside me today! It was very nice!! I hope he keeps it up.

Day 275-4/1/13

5.0 mile Run outside! WOOT!

Upright Rows- 3×10@35lbs

Front Raises- 3×8@15lbs

DB Lat Raises- 5×5@15lbs

Bent Over Lat Raises- 3×8@10lbs

Military Presses (standing)-5×5@15lbs

Work tonight(last night, but I’m still here until 7am)

Been having issues with a tooth. Go to the Oral Surgeon next month to have 5 pulled!! OMG! I’m freaking 40 for Pete sake! I can thank genetics for that. Thankfully, you would NEVER tell by looking at me. I have great teeth to look at, but the inside tells another story. I just want them out and get my bridges put in.

Here are some updated pictures. I’ll post them in a bit..

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