I feel like this year has just flown by! Worked 12 hours last night, woke up and hit the gym. YES, I did. I know a hot topic for a lot of us is, “Well, I just don’t have time” and you know what, nobody wants to hear me preach about the importance of making time. I feel like I do it often on here, but I cannot make myself any clearer. You just have to. I can be honest for a sec and say that when I first wake up, I am in NO mood ready, willing, or happy about going to the gym. I’m just not. I don’t force or rush myself out the door- my ritual usually consists of getting up, making coffee and throwing in 2 Eggo Multigrain Waffles into the toaster oven. If you know anything at all about me, know this, I am a creature of habit. I pretty much eat the same things over and over again. Does it get boring? No, not really, because, like I said..I am a creature of habit. I enjoy knowing what I am going to have and how it fits into my daily macro allotment. Anyway, I will eat, sit outside if it’s nice, browse and just relax and slowly wake up. The longer I’m awake, the better the idea of hitting the gym sounds to me. I can’t say I get excited, but there is a certain amount of enthusiasm that builds up over the course of the 30 minutes or so that I am sitting there thinking about what I’m going to do for my day’s workout.
Today I knew I wanted my focus to be on my shoulders. I LOVE working my shoulders and maybe that is because that is where I show progress the quickest and it’s easiest to see there. Either way, I do love a good shoulder workout. This is what I did:
DB Lateral Raises 4×12
Diamond Push-ups- 2×12 (I actually did these dead last)
Presses on the Hammer Machine-4×12
Db Front Raises 5×5
Barbell overhead Press- 4×8
Single Arm Cable front raises 5×5
cable upright rows- 4×12
Single Arm Cable lat raises-5×5 (which were supersetted with the single arm front raises)
great workout and very glad I went and got it done. NO cardio. Not a lick. I just did cardio on Sunday yo’, you know how I feel about cardio! On a side note, I was looking for a tshirt to throw on after my shower and I found my one running tshirt that has a ton a reasons why I run splashed across the front. I had a little teary eyed moment. I did. I had the strongest urge to just go out for a quick run. I did. I still think running is a part of who I am, because I do have feelings that reappear out of nowhere at times. Almost a longing , but for right now, it’s on the back burner. I’m really okay with it at the end of the day. I will go back to it, just maybe with a different perspective on it. So there you have it, I worked, I slepted and I got up and got my workout done.
I took a few pictures because taking pictures of myself (selfies If you will is a way that I gauge my progress. It isn’t because I’m conceited or I’m full of myself, CONTRARE to what others may think, it is merely another tracking tool for me) to see how my progress is coming along. Lately I have been feeling down on myself. I feel like maybe I’m not doing something right, I feel like my progress has been slow and honestly, I have been feeling discouraged. Which, btw are all NORMAL feelings to have. I took a look at the pictures and I realized that I am indeed going in the right direction and that I MUST be doing at least a little something right. I can smile on the inside a little bit more knowing that I continue to learn and I continue to work on myself and figure out what does and does not work for me. Everyday, all of this..it’s a learning process. I just hope to achieve my goals and inspire people along the way.
I turn 41 on Monday and although it is not as bad as turning 40 was, it is just a reminder that time does go by very fast. I am trying to do the best that I can to be the best version of me possible. I’m trying to learn all that I can and passing it along to those that want the help or that are interested. I LOVE helping people and I LOVE seeing the progress they are making. I want to prove to everyone out there that just because you are *older* does not mean you cannot achieve anything you want- whether it’s with your body or elsewhere. I want people to stop listening to the hype about all the reasons and excuses WHY they are overweight or WHY they can’t work out. You are NOT a failure and YOU CAN do this. Take a good look at yourself and figure out what you are going to do to make the changes necessary to be the best version of you possible.
I want to quickly add that there is also a lot to be said about being comfortable with the SKIN YOU ARE IN. If YOU are truly HAPPY with where you are at in your life, what you see in the reflection of your mirror, how you treat people and what you put out into the world, then you GO!!! Continue to strive for that every day of your life. Remember that everyone is going through their own struggles and battles in their lives. Take a minute to smile at people, say hello and brighten their day. People make mistakes in life, we are often misread, and often times we are forgotten about on a daily basis. Try to be aware of those that maybe you think you should be giving a little extra attention to, even if that person is YOU.
Be you..be true and live your life to it’s fullest.
Yep. I have done NOTHING in 2 days. Honestly, I kind of don’t care. Yesterday, I ended up getting stuff around the house done, we went out and ran errands and by the time I got home, it was time to cook dinner, and well..I chose having a nice family dinner over working out. So It was just considered it an extra rest day. Today, I just used as one of my 2 rest days. I went to bed last night around midnight, and woke up/ or got tired of tossing and turning around 2:30. So..I got up and watched TV until 4. I have been having an issue with my back molar and It’s starting to ache me now truth be told. I go to the dentist on Friday. I will flip out if I lose the tooth. So, needless to say I ended up sleeping until 1:30, WHICH is fine, because I had to work anyway. I usually try to sleep in late when I have to work that night.
Anywhoo, I won’t get another rest day now until Sunday. Fine enough. I’ll get all my workouts in. Like I said, I refuse to be OCD about it. Oh, what did not make me thrilled is that I only consumed 758 calories yesterday. That is what happens with me, especially on a day I sleep late and go into work. Sunday I ate OVER my calories by 200 calories or so. Going back through my log, I seem to go 4/5 days or so eating UNDER my calories and about 2/3 days (depending) slightly over my calories. However, even If I average it all out, I still end up way under. I really need to work harder on this. It certainly is not on purpose, I promise.
After I get off shift, I am off until the weekend! Yea!!
Boy, this nice weather has been just to die for. However, I am hearing that we will get cold again and *GASP* someone on a page I belong to mentioned a possible..POSSIBLE snow event next week. I wanted snow all winter long, however, at this juncture I am so over it.
Done work now until Wednesday night, and then next week I start my 2 days a week schedule! Yay! More time to live life, run and enjoy my family! Anyway, no scheduled workouts today, so I will just veg and relax. Feeling quite tired and groggy, did not sleep well. I know I know, I say it all the time..is it old yet? Well, it’s the TRUTH dammit. I’m tired and I did not sleep well. HA!
I went grocery shopping today,and I was the pain in the butt in the line that broke my cart into 3 checkouts so that I can use my coupons. I’m sure the checkout girl hated me, but is that not what she gets paid for? Seriously. I saved about $50 when it was all said and done. Picked up lots of greens, I’m trying Green Chard, does it taste the same? Probably, or maybe a little less bitter perhaps? Picked up some baby kale and baby spinach. Aww..the wittle babies. I cannot wait for summer so that I can have a lot more variety at a cheaper cost. I’m especially excited for the tomatoes!
Okay, so I want to clarify what I posted yesterday..I do NOT THINK ALL CROSSFIT WOMEN are bulky. I said SOME. SOME. SOME. 🙂
And because this is SOOO ME and I LOVE IT!!
Dx of Acute Sinusitis baybeeee!! Lovely. I assumed this was just a cold, you know, who goes to the Dr. for a cold..hence my reason why I did not go in to the Dr. sooner. I don’t know what it is, but I have this issue with people who run to the Dr. for every.little.thing. So, yes..I waited. Ahem..Apparently too long. Whatever. It is now what it is and I have a script for Augmentin and a missed day of work. I don’t think it would be so bad if it were not for my ears feeling like they want to pop out of my head, made worse by bending over. Again, whatever. I am just annoyed all around at this point.
I’m not sure what is going on with me, but my temper is short fused lately and I’m feeling generally annoyed. Women..do you know that whole feeling of, “Leave me the hell alone!” , followed by “Why the HELL Is everyone ignoring me OR NOT paying attention to me!”. Yes. Exactly. I feel all of it going on at the same time. What is that? Hormones? Getting older? Feeling stressed in general? Rushed? No time for anything? What gives people?!! I’m over it and I’m sure my family is probably over it. Yesterday already.
Another day of not working out. Again. Meh. I’ll just sit here and..and..pout? Rot? be angry? Find reasons to be angry? Stew? be sad? Frustrated? depressed? or is it blue? Are you technically depressed if you feel down? Or is it feeling blue? “Awww, someone’s got the blues today”. I mean, I’m not laying in bed all day everyday, in the dark, listening to sad music. At least not yet anyway. Heh. I guess you can say I have my peaks and valleys. Or valleys and peaks. Or mountains and pits. Call it what you will..it waxes and wanes.
I wonder if I sense a pattern here. Lately I seem more down than up. Is it because of environmental issues (as in my environment) or is it more than that? I seem to recall a Dr. asking me that question at one point through the years. Yes, I’ve been in this place before. I typically feel this way when things are not in my control. You see, I am a very controlling person by nature. I need things in my life to be just so, or everything else goes to hell in a handbasket. No, as far as I know, I do not need to be medicated..lol heh. How do I know? Been there done that. The problem with me is that I need to learn to let things go. I need to learn to live and feel alive. I have constrained myself to this little life of having to control everything and everyone, that when they are not in my control, I sort of freeze..no moving forward and no moving back. I just get irritated and want to start taking people down with me. Not in a mean way, but in the way I behave. You know, a real Debbie Downer. I tend to bottle a lot of crap in…A Lot. I mean, who wants to hear it really? The same crap, different day. Someday even with my writing, I reread what I have written and I feel so contrite. Almost embarrassed. I don’t take it down or delete it, because this is the one place where I have to be honest with myself. Even if it means writing crap that I feel, but will be horrified at it later on. It’s my way of seeing things in black and white instead of floating in my head, where I try to ignore a lot of things.
I’m pretty hot tempered, always have been, I’m not sure if I’m hot tempered because I get angry because I have lost control, or I get angry because I cannot change something, or if it is anger that has manifested itself from frustration. Make sense? I’m the type of person that get’s angry to the point that I cry. Or I get angry first THEN I cry. Either way, there will always be tears involved if I’m angry enough. What I also can tell you is that I have always tipped the emotional scale one way or the other. I’m also the person who cries at commercials, I cry when someone else is crying, I cry when someone I care about feels badly, I cry when I’m really happy and I cry if a song moves me. Yea..see? I’m probably a whack job by all definitions. 😉 Not really. I hope.
I have 3 children, as I think you all know by know. I also have 3 children who are VERY strong willed in one way or the other. I used to get so mad when my mother would say “Ohh, boy..they are going to be JUST LIKE YOU”. Of course I would first think “What the hell do you know ABOUT ME?” I mean, considering she never partook in any of my caregiving while growing up NOR did she ever stay in my life for ANY period of time. So, yea..”What the HELL DO YOU KNOW anyway?!” Apparently enough to know that yes, my kids are growing up with my attitude and my temperament. Some days I think “Oh lovely, they are just like me” and other days it’s more like “SHIT!! These kids are NUTS! just like ME!”
BUT, what I will say, as much as my kids are hard headed, stubborn, have short tempers and are difficult at best sometimes..they ALWAYS, ALWAYS come to us to talk about their problems. They tell us/me everything and when they are in trouble or having trouble, they come to us. They love to give hugs and be loved and they still love to be around us. Mostly. We did something right at least..right? Sometimes I admit, I worry about my oldest the most. He is 15…I wonder if I’ve done my very best getting him ready to be an adult. I wonder if I have given him enough, I wonder if we have given him enough. Let me share something. He went away for a couple days with his wrestling team these last couple days. I was leary and unsure, but we decided he deserved the chance to go. We told him he was on his own to make the right choices and to prove that he could be trusted without our constant checking in on him.
I could not have been more proud of him. The one thing that really stood out is a conversation that went like this. Now, unforuntately, the story is a very tragic story, but I will leave names out.
This is via text while he was driving to his destination.
“So and So just died”
Me- “What??!! OMG!!! ”
Me- “OMG!! These damn kids!!”
“I know they always make the wrong choices”
Me- “I’m so proud of you for making the RIGHT choices”
“Thanks mom, I love you”
Me-“I love you too”
Unfortunately, we lost a teen this weekend. I knew this teen, I spoke to this teen several times. He just graduated. His whole life ahead of him. Moments like that make me scared to death to be a parent. BUT, moments like the short conversation I had with my son, makes me PROUD to be a parent. So again..I hope to God, I am doing a good job. I make mistakes, I say things I should not say, I behave irrationally at times and I do yell a lot. I’m NOT perfect. I just hope that I do right more than I do wrong by my kids and by my husband who also gets the brunt of a LOT of my crap.
Much love to you all..
The irrational, crazy, controlling, emotionally challenged.. Me.